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Guests arrive in Portofino
Apparently there is some kind of soccer tournament on at the moment, but over at Englandwatch towers the only match-up we're interested in is Wayne and Coleen.
With the clock ticking to the big day in Portofino, the plush Italian fishing village where the vows will be exchanged, the final preparations for the £5million bash (50-50 split with OK! - who said romance is dead?) are being put into place with the type of military precision Horatio Nelson would probably deem a tad OTT.
While a footballer's wedding would not be complete without a raft of celeb friends, Elton and David, Posh and Becks, Brad and Angelina, Cannon and Ball, it is who has not made the cut for Portofino that brings the biggest smile this morning.
The Sun is reporting - via an indispensable A-Z guide, football wall charts are so last season - that murmurings of discontent can be heard from camp (literally) Rooney. He's only gone and left cousin Stephen off the guest list. The gay cross-dresser, who was desperate to be a bridesmaid, was spurned as Coleen thought being accompanied down the aisle by a stunner fighting five o'clock shadow might not make the best spread for OK! - you won't even know we're here!
Fellow cousin Natalie is another absentee as she made a boob of herself at a recent family gathering that has cost her a pew place. Nutty Natty elected to greet awaiting paparazzi by exposing herself - as you do - it was only last week that I flashed an aunt who requested a photo at a christening.
Other details leaked to the press include plans for every guest to release a butterfly at the time of the wedding, the travel contingency - including the laying on of five private jets to ferry revellers from London and Manchester to Italy, and a masked ball as a part of a grandiose wedding reception.
If the bash lives up to most Scouse weddings a number of guests will likely be relieved to have their identities obscured by Eyes Wide Shut regalia, should the heavy handed Carabinieri be called in to separate sparring WAGs on the disco floor...
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