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Bournemouth's Harry Arter opens up on past heartache and new outlooks

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Harry Arter spoke to Soccer Saturday about the struggles he went through coming to terms with the loss of his daughter

When last season began, Harry Arter had every reason to look forward to the exciting times ahead.

It would be his first as a Premier League footballer, having progressed from League One as an integral part of Bournemouth's success story.

His international career was taking off too, and he was part of Martin O'Neill's Republic of Ireland plans for Euro 2016 the following summer. Most importantly of all, away from football, he and his partner Rachel were expecting a baby in December.

Then everything changed forever when, on December 10 2015, his daughter Renée was stillborn.

Showing incredible strength, Arter played in Bournemouth's 2-1 win over Manchester United just two days later.

In the months that followed, he spoke openly about his devastating loss and was an inspirational figure for other families going through similar traumas. But as the 2015/16 season wore on, his own health started to suffer and injury eventually ruled him out of the European Championships.

MANCHESTER, ENGLAND - SEPTEMBER 17:  Harry Arter of Bournemouth during the Premier League match between Manchester City and AFC Bournemouth at Etihad Stadi
Image: Arter in action for Bournemouth earlier this season

The 27-year-old believes the injury which ended his hopes of playing in France proved to be a positive turning point in coming to terms with what happened.

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"It's always going to be tough and some days are harder than others," he says. "I felt the end of last season was crucial for me, I was really looking forward to the season ending. Looking back now, missing out on the Euros through injury was a blessing in disguise. It gave me time to refocus and, in a way, accept what has happened to me."

Understandably, living in the glare of life as a Premier League footballer brought its own difficulties and stress.

"It sounds harsh but I needed to be able to put it to one side when I came into football every day. Towards the end of last season, I was probably bringing it into my work. Preparation for games wasn't what it should have been, I wasn't sleeping as much or eating the right foods.

Arter in action for Bournemouth against Arsenal
Image: The 27-year-old is now back to his best for Bournemouth

"My mind wasn't set on preparing for games, it was focused on the loss of our baby. I picked up a lot of niggling injuries which was my body's way of saying 'I need a break'.

"It was the first summer where I didn't do any sort of work, usually you only have a week or two off but I didn't do any running or anything like that. I just went away with my family and friends and refocused. I spoke to my loved ones and the people I respect and got myself ready for the year ahead."

Arter's story and his willingness to talk about it has helped others and he has received many messages thanking him for sharing his experiences.

My mind wasn't set on preparing for games, it was focused on the loss of our baby.
Harry Arter

"I've got to be honest, it was my way of being selfish in a way," he continues. "When I was speaking about it last year I wasn't doing it for praise or anything like that. In a selfish way it was my kind of therapy I guess. When I assess it now, I don't know why I wanted to speak so much about it but I did and when I look at that it was probably my form of therapy. I never spoke to any counsellors, it was my way of getting everything off my chest.

"But it has helped a lot of people and that's brilliant, I feel happy that I'm able to do that. I personally wouldn't have been able to be helped at that initial stage so if I'm able to help anyone that's great."

Ireland's Harry Arter hopes they have dented Austria's World Cup hopes
Image: Arter didn't make it to Euro 2016 because of injury, but said it was a blessing in disguise

His profession has resulted in his words reaching a greater audience. Naturally, Arter's manager, team-mates and the club have all supported the player too. But there have been times when he has found it more difficult to deal with Renée's death because of the job he does and what is expected of him.

"I think it is harder. I've learnt that people have short memories, not intentionally, but they do have short memories," he says. "When things aren't going right for myself, they forget that. It's part of the job I guess, you can't feel sorry for anyone. It's a hard sport, I can't expect anyone to treat me differently but last year I felt there were times when things weren't going right for me on the pitch.

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Bournemouth 3-3 Arsenal

"It is a tough sport because you have to be at your top level to keep performing in this league. Something small can put you off your game let alone something so huge like that."

Life will never be the same again for Arter and his fiancée, but he is able to deal with what happened and look ahead to the prospect of happier times, with the couple expecting another baby in the next few weeks.

"I think everyone would change when something like that happens. You look at life differently and accept that things don't last forever. You learn to love people more, it brings you closer to your family. My fiancée is due again next month so fingers crossed it goes well and hopefully there will be a lot of smiling at the end of it."

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