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Top ten philosophers

Cantona: Is he seagull or trawler?

Top ten philosophers

Benitez: Acting strangely of late

Top ten philosophers

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When we say philosophers, we mean cod-philosophers...

Rafa Benitez's latest reading from the Big Book Of Nonsense is far from the first time football has dipped its toe in the murky waters of cod-philosophy, so here are nine more slices of pseudo...

10: "Sometimes you look in a field and you see a cow and you think it's a better cow than the one you've got in the field. It's a fact, right, and it never really works out that way. It's probably the same cow and it's not as good as your own cow. Some players like to think there's a better world somewhere else. It never really works." Sir Alex Ferguson over-complicates the 'grass is greener' thing.

9: "If you're a burglar, it's no good poncing about outside somebody's house, looking good with your swag bag ready. Just get in there, burgle them and come out. I don't advocate that obviously, it's just an analogy." Ian Holloway clears things up for us.

8: "Football's not like an electric light. You can't just flick the switch and change from quick to slow." The much-missed Brian Moore.

7: "In a football match, everything is complicated by the presence of the other team." An actual philosopher, Jean-Paul Satre, chips in.

6: "Football is like making love...you shouldn't do it every night." In our experience, we don't tend to make love with 21 other sweaty men, but we see what Gianluca Vialli was getting at.

5: "There are scientists who will tell you that spirit, because it can't be measured, doesn't exist. B*******. It does exist." Sam Allardyce cuts through the treacle.

4: "It's all about omelettes and eggs. No eggs, no omelette. And it depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket, you have eggs class one, class two, class three. Some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem." Jose Mourinho gets down with the dairy theme.

3: "Every single press conference is even worse than the last one. He's talking about things that he doesn't know. And some people cannot see a priest on a mountain of sugar." Rafa Benitez rolls out another Spanish proverb that leaves us scratching our heads.

2: "It is like having a blanket that is too small for the bed. You pull the blanket up to keep your chest warm and your feet stick out. I cannot buy a bigger blanket because the supermarket is closed. But I am content because the blanket is cashmere. It is no ordinary blanket." One more from Jose, likening Chelsea's injury situation to sub-standard sleeping arrangements.

1: "When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be dropped into the sea." The number one on any list, if only for the pseudo-intellects stroking their beards for months after, trying to interpret what Eric Cantona meant.

Have your say on our latest top ten and offer your own alternative cod-philosophies via our feedback form below...

Comments (3)

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Chris Ohale (Liverpool fan) says...

THE PHILOSOPHER RAFA. Listen to Rafa he is a great philosopher.what he said cannot be underestemated. i believe him. during his regime he made liverpool shooting above their shoulders.he is in a great position to say whats happeneing in liverpool. he is a master tactician. i admire him a lot. Rafa i wish you sucess in your new role at inter. YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE

Posted 13:52 2nd November 2010

Peter Madden (Liverpool fan) says...

Priests dress in black and if you can't see a priest on top of a mountain of white sugar then you are blind to the problem right in front of you. Rafa ain't that cracked!

Posted 13:21 2nd November 2010

Darren Mooney (Crystal Palace fan) says...

what about chris coleman`s loegendary... "beans are as they are as they come from a can, you can`t see the beans before they are open, but once they are open.. you can see the beans." (2004) This left all the journos including me baffled!

Posted 12:02 2nd November 2010

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