England vs Australia
Australia beat England by an innings and 80 runs
For the first time in the series, all Australia's bowlers performed at the same time. And England had no response. Until Broad and Swann offered some pointless but entertaining resistance on the third morning it was total one-way traffic. Dreadful performance from England, who have question marks hanging over at least half the side heading into the final Test. Still, worth remembering that the series isn't over yet. England can still win the Ashes. Honestly, they can. Join us next week to see if they can do it.
Over 30 Johnson 0-0-W
263 all out WICKET! Johnson has his fifth wicket. Hilfenhaus misses out again. Onions is comprehensively castled by a full delivery as Australia wrap up an innings victory in less than two-and-a-half days.
Over 29 Clark 0-0-4-0-0-0
263-9 - Harmison continues his fun. Got to make the most of it - he could get Billied at any moment if he gets down the other end. He clips Clark to the midwicket boundary with rare poise and, dare we say it, elegance.
Over 28 Johnson 0-W-0-0-0-0
259-9 WICKET! Swing and a miss from Swann outside the off stump, but Billy - who's had an 'interesting' day it must be said - decides to uphold the half-hearted appeals from the Australians. Curious, but Swann's entertaining efforts are at an end. The crowd give him a great ovation as he wanders off the field looking rather confused about everything. Graham Onions, on a king pair, is the new batsman. Johnson needs one more fora five-wicket haul. A short ball from Johnson is fended away by Onions before he, like Swann before him, plays and misses outside the off stump. The Aussies all go up again. Why not, when Billy's there? This time, though, the crooked finger stays at home. Let's recap. So far today, Billy has: failed to count to six, failed to properly signal byes/wides/whatever, failed to remember that a batsman has to hit the ball in order to be given out. Well played, Billy. Do you fancy batting at three for us next week?
Over 27 Clark 0-1-0-0nb-4-4-0
259-8 - Swann picks up a single to long-leg to become the innings top-scorer and bring up England's 250. There are even bigger cheers soon after as Harmison works an attempted yorker from Clark through square-leg for four before tickling a legside delivery away for another boundary. England need 84 to make Australia bat again.
Over 26 Johnson 0-1-1-0-0-0
249-8 - Poor cricket this from Australia. Watson's on his heels at point, allowing Harmison to pick up a single and get off strike. Ponting is furious, and Watson embarks on an unwise exchange of views with his captain. He's banished to the boundary with Swann now on strike. England have rattled them today. What a shame they couldn't do so when there was still a match on.
Over 25 Clark 0-0-2-0-0-0
247-8 - My mood has lightened significantly since the dark times first thing this morning, but Mathew Field has decided to step up and send me an actual joke after my disappointment at his earlier email. It's a good 'un, but alas not suitable for a family website such as this. You're a bad man, Mathew. A bad man. Swann moves to 60 not out with a carve to third-man for a couple of runs in a disappointingly quiet Clark over. Just two runs? Pah. Still, the moneymen will be jumping for joy. Twenty-five overs have been bowled.
Well that was entertaining. Meaningless, of course, but Swann and Broad have at least narked the Australians and given the crowd something to cheer rather than boo. It's all we could have hoped for.
Over 24 Hilfenhaus 0-1-0-0-0-0
245-8 - Hilfenhaus has one over before the break and the chance to get that five-fer. Swann drives the first ball of the over hard to cover, where the ball hits Marcus North on the wrist. Sore. Plenty of sympathy from the crowd as you can imagine. Swann carves the next ball to deep point for a single. Harmison sees off the last four balls of the over, and England have enjoyed easily their best session of the match. They may have lost three wickets, but they've hammered an astonishing 163 runs in just 24 overs. Against the odds, we'll be back after lunch.
Over 23 Johnson 4-1-0-1-0-0
244-8 - Harmison joins in the fun with a thick outside edge over the top of gully for four and then another edge to third-man for a single. Swann takes England's deficit down to two figures with a cut to third-man for another easy single. Harmison successfully blocks the last two balls of the over. One over before lunch.
Over 22 Siddle 0-6-0-2-0-0
238-8 - Swann takes on the short ball from Siddle and gets the ball over long-leg for six to bring up his half-century (53 balls, 7x4s 1x6). Splendid entertainment. He adds two more with a flick to fine-leg, and there are probably only two more overs left until lunch.
Over 21 Johnson 0-0-0-1-0-1
230-8 - Johnson's back into the attack, and Steve Harmison gets off the mark in fine style, prodding at the ball, getting an inside edge into his pads, and then scampering through for a dodgy single. Then Katich throws at the stumps and the ball hits Harmison. Marvellous. Swann edges into the ground and through to Haddin, and Australia appeal half-heartedly for a catch. The umpires have a chat, and Bowden tells Asad Rauf he's sure that bounced. "I don't know if Billy's sure about anything," observes Warne. The next ball hits Swann on the pads, but there was an inside edge there and Swann collects a single. Just to add to the fun, we're all set for a seventh ball in the over before someone somewhere manages to successfully count to six and we're on our way again. Apparently, it was four byes not five wides earlier, so England lose a run. Boo!
Over 20 Siddle 4-1-W-0-0
229-8 WICKET! Well it couldn't last, could it? Broad takes on another short ball but this time can only pick out Shane Watson in the deep. The scale of the celebrations tell you just how annoyed the Australians were getting by this partnership. Broad departs for a brilliant 61 from just 48 balls, and now the end really is nigh. Could be a right result for the punters here: they've been royally entertained, and if the last two wickets fall within the next five overs they'll get half their cash back as well. Five-ball over, that from Bowden. Which means those five wides from earlier might well be four byes. He did signal both, the silly old sausage.
Over 19 Clark 2-0-2-1-0-4
224-7 - Swann flicks Clark to fine-leg for a couple and then picks up two more with a drive through the covers. The next ball is worked into the legside for a quick single, and that brings up the hundred partnership between these two. Extraordinary. "In-gur-land, In-gur-land," chant the crowd. That partnership, by the way, has taken 73 balls. Or 12.1 overs. Blimey. Broad takes on another short ball from Clark, even though there are two men out catching, and he manages to just about find the gap despite the diving Katich's best efforts. This partnership has now produced more runs than England's whole first innings. Clark's bowled eight overs for 58 runs.
Over 18 Siddle 0-1-4-0-1b-4
215-7 - Huge cheers as Broad works the ball to long-leg where Clark does the fielding. With the right-hander on strike, Clark has to trot across the ground to take up his fielding position, and he's cheered all the way. Swann then thumps another boundary down the ground, and the Australians are just starting to lose their sense of humour about this. Siddle bungs a ball down the legside, and Haddin can't gather it cleanly. The batsmen trot a bye, and Clark has another jog around the boundary. Drop! This is now officially Not Funny for Ausralia. Broad drives Siddle high over mid-off. Johnson back-pedals to try and take the catch, but can't hold on above his head and and in the end doesn't even prevent the boundary.
Over 17 Clark 4-2-0-4-2-4
205-7 - Splendid if pointless entertainment this. Swann's swings are starting to make more regular contact. He whacks the first ball through point, the fourth over mid-off and the last over midwicket. A couple of twos inbetween mean it's 16 runs from the over, and 49 from the last three. England now trail by a mere 138 and the 200 is up.
Over 16 Siddle 0-0-0-1-4wd-4wd-2-4
189-7 - An email arrives from Mathew Field titled 'joke'. Splendid, I thought, someone's sent me something humorous to cheer me up on this dark, dark day. Unfortunately, he's referring to England's performance. Which is undeniably accurate. There's plenty of swinging going on in the middle. The difference is that when Broad's on strike, plenty of those swings are making contact. Swann swishes and misses a few times before finally making contact and getting a single. Siddle then bowls a couple of outrageously short bouncers that even the lanky Broad can't get to. Haddin has no chance either and both run away to the boundary. Bowden signals wide the first time, and then signals wides and byes the second time. What? The fact that an eighth ball is bowled means we're assuming those are wides, too. We'll wait for confirmation. Anyway, the eighth ball is full and Broad absolutely smashes it down the ground to bring up a hugely entertaining half-century (42 balls, 8x4s). After his six wickets in the first innings and now this effort, Broad is at least reprising the Sir Beefy role from 1981. Now we just need Dilley and Willis.
Over 15 Clark 0-4-4-0-4-4
172-7 - Hilfenhaus might have to wait yet again for that five-for. His excellent spell is over, and Stuart Clark is into the attack. He offers some width to Broad, who doesn't need a second invitation. He throws his hands at the ball and gets a thick outside edge over the top of the slips and away for four. More width from Clark, and a better shot this time. He drives wide of point, across the square and away for four more. Broad's is now the highest individual score by an England batsman in this match. He's got 38 not out. Make that 46 not out. Clark straightens his line and gets whacked over midwicket before another full wide delivery is smashed over extra-cover. Revenge for Broad after Clark tucked into him yesterday afternoon.
Over 14 Siddle 0-1-0-4-1-0
156-7 - "I'll just be quiet then," says Darren. Sorry if I snapped. It's been a trying few days. Swann picks up a single, flicking a leg-stump full-toss to long-leg before Broad stands tall and cracks a picture-perfect drive straight back past Siddle for four. He can bat, this lad. He picks up a single from the next ball before yet another short ball at Swann whacks him on the arm. Ouch. I'd say he was grinning and bearing it, but that would be a lie. There's no grinning.
Over 13 Hilfenhaus 0-0nb-0-0-1-0-0
150-7 - Another Hilfenhaus no-ball - it's pretty much the only problem with his bowling - and a Swann single into the legside take England up to 150. Huge cheers, and that's drinks.
Over 12 Siddle 0-0-4-1-1lb-0
148-7 - "Your comments on over 9 were a bit harsh weren't they?" asks Darren Lee. "We were dominating before Friday." Well I certainly don't think we were dominating, Darren. We played superbly at Lord's, but were lucky in Cardiff and no better than even-money chances in Birmingham had the weather behaved itself. We got our 20 wickets at Lord's through Anderson and Flintoff. Flintoff's now injured, and Anderson doesn't look fully fit either. Anyhoo, back to the last rites in Headnigley. Siddle's into the attack for the first time today, and Swann finally connects with a pull shot. He's tried it half-a-dozen times, and this is the first one he's made contact with. It whistles away to the boundary, and Swann finally breaks out into his usual smile. He's looked a tad grumpy up to now. Perhaps Dr Comfort and the Lurid Revelations got a bad review in the Melody Maker, or whatever it is the cool kids read these days.
Over 11 Hilfenhaus 0nb-4-0-0-0-0-1lb
142-7 - Only half refunds. Trebles all round. Hilfenhaus still being denied this elusive first five-wicket haul in Test cricket as Swann gets an inside edge that almost shaves the bails on its way to the boundary. The camera pans round to the building site where the lads in hi-vis are grafting away again above the increasingly humorous 'ROAR FOR ENGLAND' banner.
Over 10 Johnson 0-1-1-3-4-2
136-7 Drop! The Aussies are faltering here. Broad gets a leading edge to mid-off, but Peter Siddle can only tip the ball over the crossbar and allow the batsman a single. Swann picks up three more with a push across the practice pitches and Broad flashes the next ball in the air but wide of gully for four more. With no mid-on in place, Broad collects two more runs with a push down the ground.
Over 9 Hilfenhaus 1-0-0-1-0-0
125-7 - Tamsyn Quormby hits on England's problems: "To win the Ashes, we need to bowl the Australians out twice at the Oval, so we need to pick five bowlers who are capable of such a feat. Unfortunately, I can't think of five such Englishmen." We also need to pick six batsmen to score enough runs to give those five mystery men the chance to take those 20 wickets. Alas, I cannot think of six such Englishmen. Broad gets a single to midwicket, and Swann adds another with a thick edge squirted through gully.
Over 8 Johnson 0-0-2-1-0-0
123-7 - Broad's going to have a swing here. Might as well. A slog into the legside brings him two runs, before he pushes a single to cover. That brings Graeme Swann on strike, and he gets a predictable bumper barrage from Johnson.
Over 7 Hilfenhaus 1lb-0-2-0-0-W
120-7 - A leg-bye means England have successfully avoided the ignominy of suffering their heaviest ever home defeat in Test cricket. You may wish to stand and sing the National Anthem at this point. WICKET! But they won't be avoiding it by much. Prior gets a healthy edge to a Hilfenhaus awayswinger, and Haddin dives low to his right to take a brilliant one-handed catch. As Prior departs, so surely do the ECB's hopes of avoiding a 50 per cent refund to the thousands of people inside Headingley. Hilfenhaus has four wickets. He's just missed out on a five-fer in each of the Tests so far. He deserves one, that's for sure.
Over 6 Johnson 0-1-1-4-0-3
117-6 - Broad gets a streaky boundary with a thick inside edge that flashes over the top of his stumps before picking up three more driving an attempted yorker through the covers. This stand features England's two competent performers from this Test match, and they've at least slapped a few quick runs to keep everyone entertained.
Over 5 Hilfenhaus 0-0nb-1-1-0-0
108-6 - It says much for the bareness of the English cricketing cupboard that the best suggestions so far for replacing Bopara and Bell are Rob Key and Mark Ramprakash. Clearly this match is taking its toll on me, because it doesn't seem such a bad idea. Couldn't do worse than the middle-order's efforts in this game.
Over 4 Johnson 4-4-0-0-0-1
105-6 - Lovely stuff from Prior. England roar past their first-innings score as Prior unfurls back-to-back square drives for four. At least he's giving the crowd something to cheer about in a bleak Test match. He's batted as well as anyone for England in this series, and has also kept nicely. He keeps the strike with a quick single.
Over 3 Hilfenhaus 0-2-2-0-0-0
96-6 - It would be nice for this big crowd to at least see some sort of fight from England this morning. And Broad's usually a decent batsman to watch. He shows it here with a couple of excellent shots, one driven straight down the ground and one hit through cover off the back, which both bring two runs. If he plays another 124 shots like that then Australia will have to bat again. Nervy times for Ponting.
Over 2 Johnson 0-4-0-0-1-1
92-6 - Mitchell Johnson shares the bowling duties first up. While he has improved dramatically, Johnson still offers scoring opportunities for the batsman, and Prior picks up four with a good shot through backward-point. That's very much the England keeper's area. Huge cheers from the Headingley crowd as a Simon Katich misfield allows a single. Getting their kicks where they can. It's a packed house here to watch what is odds-on to be a very short day's play. Broad gets off the mark with a quick single.
Over 1 Hilfenhaus 0-4-W-0-0-0
86-6 - He's done it again. James Anderson toes a cut shot wide of the slips and down to the third-man boundary. Fifty-four innings without a duck. WICKET! And, with his work done, Anderson fends tamely at the next ball and edges it to Ricky Ponting. Another wicket for Hilfenhaus. The moneymen will be sweating on less than 10 overs' play and full refunds here. Stuart Broad is the new batsman, and Ponting immediately puts a man in at short square-leg. That's how Broad went first time round.
Ricky Ponting has his team in a long huddle on the outfield. Not sure what would need saying. Perhaps it just took them five minutes to stop laughing.
England's task is, clearly, a hopeless one. But the ECB moneymen have no doubt been in the England dressing room this morning to issue a stirring rallying cry that runs thusly: please spin this out for 25 overs so we don't have to give anyone their money back. Inspirational stuff. Certainly better than playing Jerusalem and booing Australia's captain.
Drop the Dead Donkey(s)
This Test, let's be honest, is a write-off. England are already thinking/panicking about the fifth Test. Who goes out, who comes in? Vent spleens at Dave.Tickner@bskyb.com. You'll feel better.
to day three of the fourth Test. Won't take long. Haven't even brought any lunch today. Australia need five wickets.
- 7th - 9th Aug 2009
- Asad Rauf and B F Bowden
england BATTING CARD
|Strauss||lbw b Hilfenhaus||32|
|Cook||c Haddin b Johnson||30|
|Bopara||lbw b Hilfenhaus||0|
|Bell||c Ponting b Johnson||3|
|Collingwood||lbw b Johnson||4|
|Anderson||c Ponting b Hilfenhaus||4|
|Prior||c Haddin b Hilfenhaus||22|
|Broad||c Watson b Siddle||61|
|Swann||c Haddin b Johnson||62|
|Extras||11nb, 5w, 5b, 5lb||26|
|Total||All out, 61.3 Overs||263|