I think it's safe to say I'll never become a professional golfer.

I can swing a golf club and I can hit the ball, but after Marcus Trescothick's golf day last week, I am full of admiration for just how good pro golfers are.

We were playing at the Belfry on the morning after the British Masters finished and we played the course exactly as it was set up for the professionals.

Trescothick: golf fan

It wasn't just hard, it was virtually impossible. I should play off eight, but I played off 20; we were absolutely hopeless - and we were on the forward tees!

It was a nice day though. Plenty of Marcus' mates were there, including Michael Vaughan and Andrew Flintoff, and I even had a chat with the Aston Villa manager Martin O'Neill.

He's a thoroughly nice fellow and he seemed quite impressed when I told him I followed Accrington Stanley.

Lifter and laughter

That wasn't my only trip to the golf course this week. I also attended a charity do at Bramall Park Golf Club in memory of a local chap who tragically died from cancer.

Regular readers of this blog will have heard me talk about my fitness guru Andy Clarke, fondly known as The Lifter. He was there and according to reports, he performed a strip-tease, which raised £200.

Now when you consider it was a male-only event, that's quite a doubtful thing to do in Cheadle Hulme!

The Lifter and his mates organised the whole event and raised plenty of money - although they seem to get a lot of sponsorship through extortion!

The Lifter ended up winning the golf tournament, while myself, The Brigadier and Cock Morrey came second.

In case you were wondering, Cock is his real name. I don't know how his parents arrived at that because his brother's called John!

Daz the Scouse was also in attendance, looking rather like George Cole in his camel coat. He thought he was looking rather sartorial, but we just thought he looked like Minder.

He bought an awful lot of raffle tickets and was very hopeful of winning a prize. "I'm going to win this raffle and I'm going to get that telly," he told us.

He seemed slightly perturbed when we pointed out it was actually the club telly and it was stuck to the wall...

Green house gases

As everybody surely knows, it was World Vegetarian Day on October 1st.

We celebrated in the Lloyd house by eating our greens all day long. For some reason we ended up having to leave all of the windows open by the end of the evening.

I should think that all around the world there was a lot of hot air as people ate all their vegetables. I dread to think what impact it had on the ozone layer.

Rockin' all over the home counties...

Last Sunday I did a Desert Island Discs-style programme on Radio Kent with Roger Day, who got me on the show to play ten of my favourite songs.

It went really well, apart from the fact they didn't play my two favourites: 'No Bulbs' by The Fall and 'Lord Hereford's Knob' by Half Man Half Biscuit. Apparently they couldn't find them, which is a poor effort when they're readily available on iTunes.

I suppose it was a Sunday afternoon in Kent, but I did warn them it wasn't going to be Andy Williams and Frank Sinatra.

I kicked off with 'Don't Stop Me Now' by Queen, then followed it up with the Stones and 'Brown Sugar' (which is a given) and some Bob Dylan and AC/DC.

I played a stunning rock 'n' roll song called 'Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress' by The Hollies, 'One Way Out' by the Allman Brothers, 'Saturn 5' by Inspiral Carpets before finishing with 'Bend and Break' by Keane (apparently their new stuff is sensational by the way).

If I'd had 11 choices I'd have played' Looking For A Kiss' by New York Dolls, but it was a solid hour of air guitar. Kent was certainly rocking on Sunday afternoon!

Credit crunch.. the solution

The Facebook group 'Bumble For Prime Minister' is still going strong. They might as well elect me because I can't do much worse than the bloke doing the job at the moment.

As far as I can see there's a very simple solution to this credit crunch - make some more money. I'm sure there's a factory somewhere so why not print some more? They could give everybody a shedload of cash and we'd all be happy.

It seems so simple. What's the matter with him? He's just a typical tight Scotsman. He should listen to my manifesto.

Anyway, there's some great pictures on that website, including one of me super-imposed as the lead guitarist from The Fall, one of Nasser Hussain in a blonde wig and one of Bob Willis in his spangly 'Bobby Dazzlers' jacket.

I kill myself laughing whenever I go on there. It's hilarious. They're almost at 2,000 members now. Perhaps I should give a prize to the 2,000th person to sign up?

The truth is out there...

I read a news item recently about a chap called Dewi Evans from Cardiff.

There's been a lot of talk in the Valleys about UFOs and Dewi called the police very excitedly because he'd seen a bright light in the sky. Apparently it had stuck there all day moving very slowly.

So the police sent their cars round with their sirens blaring and the local radio stations were abuzz with excitement over this UFO sighting.

Finally, Dewi invited the policeman into his house to inspect this mysterious being and to ask him what it could be.

"That's the sun, Dewi," the policeman replied.

So you can sleep easy in the Valleys, there are no UFOs to worry about.

Bumble answers your questions...

Send your questions to Bumble by filling in the feedback form below. Or you can mail them in by e-mailing skysportsclub@bskyb.com

Hi Bumble, something that's been puzzling me for a while is, now that the domestic season is over, what do the county players do until next season? Do those who don't go on England tours or play abroad simply work on their tans on some far away beach for the next six months? And other than the 'rock 'n' bowler' Graeme Swann, do you know of anyone who does anything surprising or wacky during the off season? Cheers, Stan

BUMBLE REPLIES: These days, the majority of players are contracted for 12 months. So Lancashire, for example, will get them back at work in December to work on their fitness, strength, mobility and also to work on their game every day. There will also be very early pre-season tours because this is a full-time job these days.

Of course, some will go abroad and play in South Africa or maybe Australia. A few of the savvy lads will go across to play in India and Pakistan to work on playing against spin on difficult pitches in difficult conditions. That's the way to go as a professional if you ask me because going to those places is bound to improve your technique.

As for guys doing surprising things, there's a lad called Billy Taylor at Hampshire who's a Falconer and Dirk Nannes at Middlesex is a saxophonist. There's also a former wicket-keeper called Bruce French, who is currently coaching Matt Prior, and he's a mountaineer. I've often thought you could make a great television show about that guy. And of course there's Jack Russell and a few other who are artists these days. I don't know any haidressers though!

Send your questions to Bumble by filling in the feedback form below. Or you can mail them in by e-mailing skysportsclub@bskyb.com

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