Farewell Matthew Hayden. You were a great player, but did you really need to cavalcade around the ground in an open-top car?

Come on fellas, we're big boys now. With all those tears you'd think Nelson Mandela had just been released, not that a cricket player had just retired. It was completely over the top, completely unnecessary and completely Australian. Pass the sick bag!

Hayden: over the top?

In fact, it reminded me of England going off around London in a bus when we won the Ashes. That was also completely over the top and didn't sit well with me.

Hayden's "lap of honour" was almost as bizarre as when we were in India and the man of the match would celebrate by going round the ground on a second-hand Hero Honda.

I wonder what they did with them? If you won three man of the match awards then you had three motorbikes to get shot of - but that's an awful lot better than a prize I saw Mark Butcher once win.

Mark once put in a man-of-the-match performance and was rewarded with... a trouser press.

What he did with that I never did find out.

Captain talk

The dust seems to have settled on the England situation. They have decided that Andrew Strauss should captain the ODI team and the Twenty20 side and I know Michael Atherton has questioned that decision.

I understand the compromise of giving him the 50-over captaincy, but my view is that Twenty20 cricket is a totally different game. I don't see anything wrong with having a different Twenty20 skipper.

There's not a great deal a captain can do in Twenty20, it's just a gunfight and it's about getting more runs than the other lot.

Australia played a totally different Twenty20 team against South Africa this week - there were guys I've never heard of in that team - and my message to England is that's the way to go.

We scored a massive own goal in the Stanford Series when we picked a team that kept the England players sweet rather than picking our best Twenty20 players. Australia have realised that and New Zealand have grasped it too

I've seen a lot of Twenty20 cricket and I think I speak with a fair amount of authority when I say this, but nobody seems to be listening to me!

KP nuts

I see Kevin Pietersen said in his newspaper column that he has some unfinished business with the England captaincy.

I would think Kevin's time has gone now and I don't really understand what he means when he says that. As I've said before, the star man is better off not being burdened with the politics of captaincy.

You've got to have clarity when you play this game and he'll be better off playing on his instinct rather than weighing himself down with all the forethought that a captain puts in. I wouldn't like Andrew Flintoff to do it for the same reason.

Kevin, you don't need the captaincy. Get on with being our star player.

I'm not keen on players writing newspaper columns either, if only because they are so dire... "And then me and Wazza and Umpty went out for some prawns and steak before totting off to bed..."

You've got to remember that these people are centrally contracted not to say anything. Everything has to be run by the ECB before it is published, which makes it even more baffling how this business all started in the first place.

On the ball

I've got Billy the Butcher coming to stay with me for a few days this week. He's a big cricket and rugby union man, but he'll have to watch football while he's with me.

Speaking of which, the demise of Manchester City is the talk of the Hesketh at the moment. They were all getting excited about the "major signings", only to be somewhat disappointed when that turned out to be Wayne Bridge.

I ventured that there had indeed been a major signing because Martin Gritton has left Macclesfield for Chesterfield, but they didn't seem too impressed by that.

This week's guest ale in the Hesketh is Charles Wells Bombardier, which reminded me of when I was in a pub in Belgravia near Sloane Square.

A young female Sloane Ranger walked in and rather frightfully asked the barman for two pints of (adopt fake French accent) "Bom-bar-dee-ay". The lads in the Hesketh thought that was hilarious.

Anyway, I had a great night in the Hesketh this week. Captain Chaos, the landlord sent round some samples of his carvery with plates full of pork, chips, wedges and Pimlott sausages. You'd travel a long way to get some of those in this part of the world.

Some sad news

Sad news to report. Bertie is not well.

The poor chap is getting old, he doesn't eat and isn't moving too well at the moment. In human years he must be about 90 and he's definitely getting towards the wrong end.

We've bought him some dog pyjamas for night time to try to keep him extra warm. He looks like he's wearing a little hoodie.

It's quite upsetting because he's a good old lad and has been a real belting dog. I get emails from children all the time asking me how he is so I'll keep you updated.

Bumble answers your questions...

Send your questions to Bumble by filling in the feedback form below. Or you can mail them in by e-mailing skysportsclub@bskyb.com

MONTY'S MISERY
What do you think about Monty's chances these days of getting into the side for the Caribbean and then the Ashes. I'll admit I'm a Monty fan and can't help but think that everyone is following the media to criticise him after what must be his first true failure. Do you think he'll get himself back on track?? Thanks Iwan Jones

BUMBLE REPLIES: The key here is what you say in your last line Iwan, he has to get HIMSELF back on track. He mustn't depend on anybody else and must take it upon himself to get himself right. He needs to get some bowling done for his county, find some rhythm and then he'll get back in the team. It was clear that in India that he hadn't done enough bowling. He'll be a vital cog in the Ashes, not so much so in the West Indies - though I could be proved wrong about that. The bottom line is he has to bowl, bowl, bowl.

LET'S START A RESOLUTION
Hi Bumble, have you made any New Year's resolutions? If so, what are they? Catherine Shetney.

BUMBLE REPLIES: Not really. I don't drink to excess, I don't smoke, I keep fit... I'm a boring sod aren't I? If I were to make some then I'd like to play more cricket, I'd like to reduce my golf handicap and as always, I'd like to get better at my job. I want to make sure that the viewers feel they are sat next to me when I'm commentating - even if they're thousands of miles away. I want people to feel like I'm their mate when I'm talking to them, I don't just want to be somebody on the telly. I also like to think that I've got an opinion and I say what I think, but I don't always think I'm right. That's an edict that my dad gave me and it's a philosophy I'll carry on standing by in the New Year.

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