Soccer AM

About You

Name Helen Marie Chamberlain, or 'Maam' to Max Rushden.

Job title It's complicated.

What does that entail? Getting away with being mean to Rocket on the telly.

Years of service... Ahem... 15.

I support... We're by far the greatest team the world has ever seen. And it's Torquay United... Torquay United FC.

Favourite footballer Danny Stevens - TUFC.

'Most played' on your ipod... The tunes of Green Day as interpreted by the flute of James Galway.

First record you ever bought... Depeche Mode - New Life.

Favourite film character... Nigel Tufnel - This Is Spinal Tap.

Favourite memeber of Girls Aloud... I had to interview them once at Rockingham race track while they were signing stuff. They all turned their backs on me apart from the blonde one, so her.

The last thing you read... These questions.

Favourite sport other than football... Darts.

On Your Team Mates

Life and soul of the party... You're good with Tubes until he passes out, normally about 8.30.

Joker in the pack... Baby Elvis is always sniffing out the banter. He was desperate for us to 'stitch someone right up' at the end of last season, because the year before I got a couple of pals in the police force to come to the office and nearly arrest him for an alleged road rage incident.

Fashion guru... We're all fairly OK with our gear. Maybe Bobbie and his arm warmers were a bit rascal, but i'm not sure that makes him a guru.

Fashion slave... Just doesn't happen in our office.

Health freak... James has a pretty mean six pack, as does Bobbie, but they can both pack away some utter rubbish. Bobbie will spend ten minutes with me discussing the 'pudding of the day' in the canteen and James is always finding excuses to visit my desk for sweets.

Fast food junkie... Does cheese count? That'll be Nutbeam.

Hot head... Max Rushden, he's not argumentative, he actually has a hot head. If you see him in the street, touch it.

Cool as ice... Steve, he has that hair.

Most likely to win this year's Dance Off... Probably Rocket - but hear this, if he cheats again I will disqualify him.

Who has the worst office habit... Max. He has this terrible habit of turning up every Saturday.

And finally, who's the longest... out on a Saturday night... Disco Dave. Fixed grin. Beer in hand. 5am.