Chambers: I nearly quit

Chambers: Spent year in the spotlight.

There's only so much I can say and only so many apologies I can tell people over and over again but at the same time I have to keep working at it and not get frustrated with any athletes.

Dwain Chambers
Quotes of the week

Also see

• Chambers interview part two
• Chambers interview part three
• Chambers interview part four


• Chambers interview part five


• Chambers: A year in pictures

Dwain Chambers has spoken openly of his turbulent year which left him on the brink of "throwing in the towel" for good.

In February the reformed sprinter made a dramatic second return to the track since he served a two-year suspension from athletics having tested positive for the performance enhancing THG drug in 2003.

But despite clearly proving to be Great Britain's fastest man both indoors and outdoors, Chambers suffered a crushing blow at the High Court of Justice this summer when his attempts to overturn his lifetime Olympic ban failed.

Not only was he denied the chance to represent his country in Beijing but his ultimate dream of lining up at London 2012 was well and truly shattered.

The 30-year-old admits he seriously contemplated permanent retirement from the sport in the wake of this decision but maintains his underlying passion to compete can never be extinguished.

"I did throw in the towel for a brief moment," he revealed. "Believe you me I threw the white towel into the ring, went to the corner and felt like never getting up again. My dream had been crushed but you have to get over it and there's no point crying over spilt milk.

"It hurt but I move on and I'm now back on the track again and that's what makes me happy.

"It took me a while to recover but even now I'm still feeling up and down. I still have my days when I want to do it and days when I don't. But even when I don't I still go to the track, pick myself up again and get amongst my friends and training group.

"This motivates me. It's just the crazy roller-coaster of life that I'm on at the moment - but it is an enjoyable one also."

Lack of support

Chambers spent much of 2008 firmly in the media spotlight as he battled with UK Athletics over his rights to participate on the international scene while an array of highly-respected names from athletics including Lord Sebastian Coe, Roger Black, Steve Cram, Jonathan Edwards, Colin Jackson and Daley Thompson were publically outspoken against him.

UKA chief executive Niels de Vos had tried his utmost to ban him from participating in Sheffield at the British trials for the World Indoor Championships only to be foiled by the International Amateur Athletics Federation, who overturned the ruling.

As expected he blitzed away to a comfortable victory leaving the organisation no choice but to begrudgingly select him in the team for the event in Valencia, where he claimed an impressive silver medal over 60 metres after clocking a personal best time of 6.54 seconds.

But heading into the summer season - either side of a high profile yet brief stint at rugby league side Castleford - support for Chambers was still scarce as Dame Kelly Holmes, Sir Steve Redgrave, Sally Gunnell and Chris Hoy joined hundreds of other British athletes past and present in signing a petition backing the British Olympic Association's bylaw that bans drugs cheats from competing at the Olympics for life.

Even some prospective team-mates including fellow sprinter Craig Pickering put their names on the list and it was now down to Chambers to let his feet do the talking.

At the Olympic trials in Birmingham, he ran 10 seconds flat for an impressive 100m triumph but with his court case just days away, the confusion and frenzied media circus surrounding the British team selection was said to be hampering the preparations of fellow athletes.

It was a difficult time for all involved and looking back, a repentant Chambers admits he was left feeling deflated by those who refused to show forgiveness.

"Sometimes I felt let down," he said. "But I understand they feel cheated the same way I felt cheated. I can't be mad at any of them. It hurts that they talk to you one day then the next day they pass comment but I have to respect they have their opinions.

"They feel hurt by what I've done and all the media attention messed up their preparation for this year. It's all my own wrong doing and I have to respect their comments on that and hopefully now we can all try to move on to a new beginning.

"There's only so much I can say and only so many apologies I can tell people over and over again but at the same time I have to keep working at it and not get frustrated with any athletes.

"It's going to be a long road ahead and I know I've messed up a lot of peoples' ambitions and dreams so I can only sit in the back row and do my thing as best as possible. I want to encourage others to walk along the same road I am in terms of getting the best out of their performances as a country."

Light

Despite being flattened by Lord Justice Colin MacKay's verdict in the High Court, Chambers is still proud of what he was able to achieve on the track amidst all the hype.

"The media attention did put me under a lot of pressure because it meant that I had to perform," he added. "I'm used to performing naturally because I want to but this was different.

"I was under so much pressure and without doubt this year as been the hardest of my life in track and field to keep my mind in the right place. I was running into a dark tunnel but I did not know what the outcome was going to be.

"It did keep me motivated and passionate about what I was doing and helped me clock 10 seconds in the summer and remaining the number one in Europe over 60 metres and 100 metres. That's an achievement in itself."

Chambers will reveal all his inner-most thoughts and views on this dramatic period of his life in his eagerly-anticipated autobiography 'Race Against Me' but for now he's keen to look forward.

The prospect of competing at future World Championships has re-ignited his own desire to succeed and he believes this can also help others around him also make a positive impact on the sport.

He said: "This year has taken a lot out of me and I still find it difficult to motivate myself and get back up again because I still feel absolutely drained. But I'm hoping next year will be a brighter year and I try to remain optimistic.

"I have my ups and downs like we all do. But when go home and I watch what happened in Beijing that's what perks me back up again, bearing in mind if I was allowed to go I would have done really fantastic.

"And that convinces me that I have an opportunity over the next three years - two World Championships and the Europeans - not just for myself but to drag the other British athletes to improve their personal bests. Hopefully they're the ones who can do well in London 2012.

"I so badly want to get back competing again and go out and have fun. I want to represent my country again and entertain people because that's what I enjoy doing. Hopefully I'll be blessed with that opportunity next year."