Noble: Needless red

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Poor performances could just about be forgiven last week - first day of the season and all that - but no more.

Lame excuses may roll off the tongue early on, with a lack of match fitness and the need for new arrivals to gel with their team-mates seemingly the favoured options for our pampered pros. If that is the case, what is pre-season for? If you need more time to get fit, stop lounging on the beach and get your spikes on. If you are struggling to pronounce the name of the latest Russian recruit to arrive at the training ground, try speaking to him.

Remember, supporters can be a fickle bunch and are unlikely to forgive the fact that you are carrying a slight knock, or had one too many Jagerbombs on an unnecessarily raucous night out at Chinawhite 24 hours before the game.

Nothing less than 100 per cent total dedication to the cause will be accepted. If you leave the field without having spilled blood in the pursuit of victory then you obviously need to try harder next week.

A poor showing may not damage your Premier League bank balance, but the indignity of being named and shamed as skysports.com's ratings loser of the week is a burden which should hang heavy on the broadest of shoulders.

I doubt anyone would have been surprised if Tottenham conspired to produce this week's bad apple. However, despite their best efforts, they avoid that humiliating honour. They came close, but Benoit Assou Ekoto's 3.7 average score, their worst, puts him in the world-beater bracket when compared to some of his contemporaries.

With that said, it is still worth pointing out that the Cameroonian full-back graced this roll of shame following the season openers and must buck up his ideas if he is to avoid becoming a target for terrace abuse.

Spurs were undone on Saturday by Djibril Cisse, as the former Liverpool man came back to haunt them with the winner in a 2-1 success for Sunderland in North London. The flamboyant Frenchman was named star man by the Black Cats faithful, with an 8.1 score representing a fine way to round-off an impressive debut.

Without wanting to dwell on the failings of Spurs for too long, Darren Bent cannot be allowed to get away with a 3.7 rating. Andy Reid and Nyron Nosworthy, meanwhile, put in notable displays for Roy Keane's men, earning commendable scores from both our reporter and the viewing public.

Moving across the capital, we arrive at Craven Cottage and Fulham's shock 1-0 victory over Arsenal's U12s.

Logic would dictate that a memorable humbling of prestigious opponents, and local rivals, would see the Cottagers support out in force, keen to pile the praise on their victorious troops. Not so.

A quick glance through the after-match ratings shows 8s and 9s were dished out in copious amounts by our man looking in at the Cottage. However, Toni Kallio is the only player to break the 8 barrier among the supporters' scores (8.8), while Brede Hangeland, Jimmy Bullard and co. struggle to rise above the mediocre.

Have expectations suddenly shot sky high by the Thames, or were the Fulham fans just too busy toasting their success to bother handing out ratings? Either way, at least they fared better than the Gunners.

Bacary Sagna topped the charts for Arsene Wenger's men, picking up a rather debateable 8 from ourselves and 5.3 from elsewhere. While the France international can hardly lay claim to an eye-catching display, he can at least comfort himself in the fact that he did not fall into the bracket of players who scored 4 or under.

There were too many to name here, although Brazilian midfielder Denilson should watch his back this week after being handed a 2.8 by a clearly disgruntled fan base.

Liverpool fans have been quick to show their support for Xabi Alonso of late, with the Spanish international continuously linked with a move away from Anfield. However, they were less then enamoured by the Euro 2008 winner's performance against Middlesbrough.

Steven Gerrard once again dug the Reds out of a hole on Saturday with a last-minute winner, and bagged 9 and 7.9 ratings respectively, but Alonso, usually so reliable, scored 4 and 5.6. Perhaps Gareth Barry does not seem like such a bad option after all!

Boro were unfortunate to leave Merseyside empty-handed after a gutsy display and deservedly take the spoils in the ratings war. Egyptian striker Mido threw his considerable weight around to top score with 8.4, while his countryman Mohamed Shawky clearly dominated the middle of the park as he took a commendable 7.4.

Michael Owen marked his return to action with the winner for Newcastle against Bolton, stepping off the bench to notch another with his head. Quite how a man who would struggle to ride the grown-up attractions at Alton Towers has become so prolific in the air remains a mystery, but the England international bagged an impressive 8.4 from the Toon Army.

He was, however, pipped to the title of Geordie No. 1 by the club's No. 1, Shay Given. The Irish shot-stopper scored 8.8 after another commanding display between the sticks, while Fabricio Coloccini's 8.1 will bring delight to bubble perm fans everywhere.

Stoke's first Premier League victory, ever, understandably saw the Potters score heavily on Saturday. After a week in which his good friend Usain Bolt illuminated the Beijing Olympics with a 9.68, Jamaican striker Ricardo Fuller put in a performance worthy of 9 and 8.7 from reporters and supporters.

Liam Lawrence and debutant Abdoulaye Faye also get a mention following decent showings, while Ashley Young's 7.1 was easily the best of Aston Villa's bad bunch. John Carew was the only other Villan to top 6, with Nigel Reo-Coker plodding his way to a 4.3.

Hull were unable to replicate their opening day heroics when they travelled to Blackburn, but still picked up a point in a 1-1 draw.

With few stand-out performances there is little to be taken from the Ewood Park stalemate. Although, Jason Roberts continued his fine early season form with a 7.6 and Michael Turner did his blossoming reputation no harm with a 7.9.

West Brom are now the only newly-promoted side without a point after slumping to a 2-1 defeat against Everton.

The Baggies faithful may be beginning to fear the worst, but appreciated the efforts of summer arrivals Gianni Zuiverloon and Robert Koran, who both scored 7.

Mikel Arteta continues to stand alone as the Toffees' creative influence and can take heart from a rating of 8 from our scribe and an 8.1 from the fans. Elsewhere, the Hawthorns was littered with performances deserving of scores falling into the 6 and 7 brackets.

Having reflected on some sloppy showings on Saturday, it is 24 hours later that we find our lowest score of the weekend.

West Ham headed into the interval all square against Manchester City on Sunday, but one man down following Mark Noble's needless dismissal. With City making the most of their numerical advantage to bag three goals in the second half, it comes as no surprise that Mr Noble is the recipient of this week's unwanted gong.

The England U21 man was handed a 2 by our reporter, while the Hammers faithful were slightly more generous - handing him a 2.1 rating.

Lucas Neill and Matthew Etherington also failed to top 4 points and could only dream of the scores handed out to their victorious opponents.

Vincent Kompany scored 8.7 on his debut, Elano's brace earned him 8.5 and Stephen Ireland's industrious outing saw him pick up 8.4.

Wigan's Amr Zaki matched Ireland's rating in the Latics' 1-0 defeat to Chelsea, with the JJB Stadium quickly taking to their summer signing.

Not even a spectacular free-kick could lift match-winner Deco in to the 8 territory, only managing 7.8, while Nicolas Anelka continues to frustrate the Blues support.

The Frenchman toiled to no avail for 89 minutes before being replaced by countryman Florent Malouda. However, it is only when looking at the ratings that the full extent of Anelka's ineptitude becomes apparent.

The former Real Madrid striker was awarded an average score of 5.5 after featuring in virtually the whole of the contest, while the man who came on in his place received 5.6 for a 60 second run-out.

Manchester United and Portsmouth played out a lively contest at Fratton Park on Monday, but the two sides largely cancelled each other out.

Anderson, fresh from Olympic duty, looked bright despite his long-haul exertions and earned a 9 from our pundit, though it was Carlos Tevez who caught the public eye with a workmanlike 8.3.

Pompey produced few moments of magic, with David James' team high rating of 6.1 a fair reflection on a performance which saw the South Coast outfit come off second best against the reigning Premier League champions.