Last updated: 20th March 2009
Park: If he can't do it, no-one can
Wherever you are perusing this, stop what you are doing and conduct an applause in your mind. The clapping is for Iain Bruce and Mark Swingler. These two deserve praise because they are the current frontrunners in the Sky Sports Fantasy Football overall table.
Yes, out of 190,207 made-up teams, it is 'Doomsday', on 1061 points, and 'swigsvilla', on 1060, that lie first and second respectively. Quite a feat. Yet there are legions of managers gnawing at their heels, their beady eyes on the prize. But, for now, it feels right to salute Iain and Mark's efforts.
I trail the aforementioned two by around 200 points, and, in dignified fashion, consider myself out of the running for the first prize of 10,000 big ones. But we all soldier on, whether it be for pride in our own private leagues or merely because the tinker-fairyland kisses better everyday monotony.
And while we are peeking through our neighbours' curtains, let us discover their dirty little secrets. There is not so much out of the ordinary with Mr Bruce's living room, just some timely substitutions - although he has just two remaining for the rest of the term. Mr Swingler, though, has gone against the grain with his 5-3-2 formation. Avant-garde, indeed.
And as the praise peters out, three unconvincing tips come wheezing through the door at a deserted bar that serves only fruitless-task on tap. It has a bitter twang to it that remains on the burp until deep into next week. I have the trio jotted down in front of me, yet I am almost apprehensive about revealing them. Once that is done, a curse is seemingly placed.
However, I'd back talent to overcome witchcraft nine times out 10. First, a Manchester United player, and I know what you're thinking. Well don't. Because this Red Devil is Park Ji-Sung (£3.8m). The tireless South Korean could well score at Fulham. Then again, he may not even start. And I'll end up looking sillier than those that strut around spluttering into Bluetooth headsets to a man named Devon, smarming over how he can bench press his own weight.
Second is Wigan Athletic midfielder Charles N'Zogbia (£3.6m). The Frenchman recently netted his first goal for the Latics since joining the club from Newcastle United, and with Hull City potentially distracted by allegations of stray saliva, I have an inkling he could prove effective at the JJB Stadium on Sunday. And, if you do score Charles, make sure you shake Phil's tanned hand.
Last of the three is assist-machine Steed Malbranque (£3.8m). The Sunderland schemer really has an eye for a pass this season, and, with Manchester City possibly fatigued after their Uefa Cup excursions, he could again be at his creative best to build on his already impressive score of 57 points for the campaign.
Those that miss out on this weekend's action include United stopper Nemanja Vidic, Middlesbrough's Matthew Bates, Black Cats midfielder Kieran Richardson, West Ham United striker Carlton Cole and Wigan's Lee Cattermole. All through suspension.
To make changes to your team, click here.

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Chelsea v Arsenal
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Portsmouth v Sunderland - 1st Half
Wigan v Stoke - 2nd Half
Wigan v Stoke - 1st Half
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Portsmouth v Sunderland - 2nd Half
| Time | Fixture |
|---|---|
| Wednesday 10th February | |
| Barclays Premier League | |
| 19:45 | Arsenal vs Liverpool |
| 19:45 | Aston Villa vs Man Utd |
| 19:45 | West Ham vs Birmingham |
| 19:45 | Wolverhampton vs Tottenham |
| 20:00 | Blackburn vs Hull |
| 20:00 | Everton vs Chelsea |
| Tuesday 16th February | |
| Barclays Premier League | |
| 19:45 | Stoke vs Man City |
| Wednesday 17th February | |
| Barclays Premier League | |
| 20:00 | Wigan vs Bolton |
| Saturday 20th February | |
| Barclays Premier League | |
| 12:45 | Everton vs Man Utd |
| 15:00 | Arsenal vs Sunderland |
| 15:00 | West Ham vs Hull |
| 15:00 | Wolverhampton vs Chelsea |
| 17:30 | Portsmouth vs Stoke |
| Sunday 21st February | |
| Barclays Premier League | |
| 14:00 | Aston Villa vs Burnley |
| 15:00 | Fulham vs Birmingham |
| 15:00 | Man City vs Liverpool |
| 16:15 | Wigan vs Tottenham |
| Monday 22nd February | |
| Barclays Premier League | |
| 20:00 | Blackburn vs Bolton |
| Tuesday 23rd February | |
| Barclays Premier League | |
| 20:00 | Man Utd vs West Ham |
| Saturday 27th February | |
| Barclays Premier League | |
| 12:45 | Chelsea vs Man City |
| Time | Result |
|---|---|
| Tuesday 9th February | |
| Barclays Premier League | |
| Man City 2 - 0 Bolton | |
| Wigan 1 - 1 Stoke | |
| Portsmouth 1 - 1 Sunderland | |
| Fulham 3 - 0 Burnley | |
| Sunday 7th February | |
| Barclays Premier League | |
| Birmingham 2 - 1 Wolverhampton | |
| Chelsea 2 - 0 Arsenal | |
| Saturday 6th February | |
| Barclays Premier League | |
| Liverpool 1 - 0 Everton | |
| Hull 2 - 1 Man City | |
| Stoke 3 - 0 Blackburn | |
| Bolton 0 - 0 Fulham | |
| Sunderland 1 - 1 Wigan | |
| Man Utd 5 - 0 Portsmouth | |
| Burnley 2 - 1 West Ham | |
| Tottenham 0 - 0 Aston Villa | |
| Wednesday 3rd February | |
| Barclays Premier League | |
| Fulham 1 - 0 Portsmouth | |
| Tuesday 2nd February | |
| Barclays Premier League | |
| Hull 1 - 1 Chelsea | |
| Monday 1st February | |
| Barclays Premier League | |
| Sunderland 0 - 0 Stoke | |
| Sunday 31st January | |
| Barclays Premier League | |
| Man City 2 - 0 Portsmouth | |
| Arsenal 1 - 3 Man Utd | |
| Saturday 30th January | |
| Barclays Premier League | |
| Birmingham 1 - 1 Tottenham | |
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