Shane riches

Top man: Warney wrestled with Nass' know-how and Aussie angst

With his day-glow smile, lip-gloss and Aussie-isms Shane Warne was always going to cause a stir in the Sky Sports commentary box - and so it proved.

Well-used to having the final say on the pitch, the legendary spinner showed at Lord's that he can talk as sharply as he turned a leg-break.

But like his compatriots in the middle, Warney did not have things entirely his own way in the battle of the banter...

Misprint

After missing the first Test due to poker commitments, Warney was ready for some flak and wasn't disappointed as Nasser laid his cards on the table early on, saying: "It would have been great if he had missed the first Test in every Ashes series for the last 20 years, to be honest!"

And Athers was soon reaching for the Anglo-Australian dictionary after learning that Mitchell Johnson had a tendency to "Drop his bundle" if things didn't go too well. Warney soon put him straight, though: "Toys out of the cot. Same dog, different leg action, Athers."

If the man from Ferntree Gully felt he had the upper ground after dismissing Athers 10 times in 22 Tests and Nasser 11 times in 17 he didn't show it. Much. And soon stats guru Benedict Bermange was in the firing line when the new boy was informed of his record against Nass.

"Only 11 times? Is that all? That's got to be a misprint surely! Benedict, it's been lovely to meet you mate but Jesus, sharpen up those stats will you?" Instead, Warney turned his attention to the work of Kevin Pietersen to find a kindred spirit.

"The walking ego has smacked that one through the covers," he gushed as his former Hampshire buddy built on a strong England start; he then went on the attack himself as one correspondent suggested that Johnson "couldn't swing a dunny door".

"Obviously a well-educated person on the game of cricket," the Victorian countered.

Weightier

A welcome distraction came in the slimmed-down shape of Russell Crowe, who the Daily Mail reported has slimmed down for his new role of Robin Hood in Ridley Scott's new film.

The Gladiator star was sharp and insightful as he urged Australia to be more ruthless but ever-helpful Nass was Box Office and stole the show with this cutting offering: "We've got a couple of Friar Tucks around here if you need one!"

Warney returned to weightier issues on day three, revealing he got straight into Mark Taylor's ear whenever he saw Nass strolling out to bat to demand: "Tubs, please give me the ball!"

But it was the hosts who were ruthless on day four and as the Australian skipper took a battering he could only reflect: "What about the old English spirit, eh Bumble? Not one player came up and said 'are you alright Ricky?!"

Head-butting

Perhaps to escape an uncomfortable present, Warney was only too happy to spin a tale from days gone by, starting with the camaraderie of 2005.

"We would all be in the dressing rooms having a drink afterwards; Freddie would be opening cans of beer with his teeth," he reflected with a fondness matched by his recollection of some great dressing room temper tantrums.

"Glenn McGrath, surprisingly, was one of the worst at No 11. He used to come in and say 'why do you bother Glenn?' We used to agree! Matthew Hayden generally didn't believe he could be given out lbw because he batted so far out of his crease but forgot sometimes when they are straight and you miss them they are out.

"Michael Bevan was renowned for head-butting lockers and throwing helmets. Michael Slater, in a funny way, used to put his stuff in the toilet and flush it and say 'I couldn't get a run with that bat - it's time for a new one.' It was always good fun."

So, do today's cosseted cricketers enjoy the same sense of amity? Warney thinks not. "These days they have ice baths, beep tests, jump tests, recovery sessions in the pool - all that rubbish," he sighed.

"So it's hard to get to know your mate unless you want to go for an ice bath, which was like 'no, thank you'. Get the beer out of the ice bath!" Where's Freddie's mouth when you need him, eh?

It was Australia's obsession with the Baggy Green rather than alcohol that used to turn Athers' stomach apparently. "I remember when you all turned up at Wimbledon to watch Lleyton Hewitt and you all sat there in your Baggy Greens. I wanted to puke at that point!"

Warney was adamant, though, that the sick bags could be stowed and he quickly cleared himself of fault. "Now Michael, that is incorrect. Justin Langer, Gilchrist and Steve Waugh wore their Baggy Green but not all of us did. We were asked to but some of us drew the line and said 'mate, we are at the tennis'."

And so it was back to the cricket and, predictably, England had an ace up their sleeve in the form of Andrew Flintoff. Warney knows an inspirational figure when he sees one and was generous as his compatriots were crushed.

"Congratulations England on a wonderful display, led by Andrew Flintoff. He was fantastic with the new ball. It's been a long time coming - some people have been here for 75 years watching cricket here - it's a great moment to win at Lord's." Roll on Edgbaston.