Lewis Marshall meets the England football team
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Whisper it quietly but international weeks tend to be a trifle dull, with salacious soundbites usually reserved for Premier League dressing rooms bitchier than a Crufts show ring. All hail Mr Capello then for a week in which he's been upsetting all and sundry with the gay abandon we've secretly grown to admire at QOTW towers. Elsewhere, regulars Harry Redknapp, Craig Bellamy and Jose have been chewing the fat at the bar with some eyebrow raising quotes of their own.
"How many languages do you speak? I don't have to speak about a lot of different things. Maximum 100 words." Fabio Capello defends his language skills to a room of sniping journalists. Of the 100, 96 are reported to be f*ur letter words.
"I spoke with him privately. I think not only Andy likes to drink beer. Not only Andy Carroll. He needs to improve, to drink less." Capello attempts to take away the divine right of any proud Geordie.
"Chelsea's a great club. It's a dream of every player to play at Chelsea. If one day it happens, I will be very happy to come." Brazil striker Neymar auditions for a gig at Stamford Bridge by bagging a brace against Scotland.
"I wouldn't want to sell him for £100million, not even for a billion. He's the hub of the team." Harry Redknapp in typically understated form when weighing up the value of Luka Modric.
"I'm not going to be everybody's cup of tea, but it is the decision the manager has taken." John Terry - another king of the understatement.
"The last throw of the dice." Barnet chairman Tony Kleanthous is overjoyed at rehiring Martin 'Mad Dog' Allen in a bid to stave off the drop.
"It doesn't look good does it? He is a good player. The only thing I know upsets us is when people are trying to juggle between England and Ireland. That's the only issue really." Liam Lawrence, who won his first cap at 27 and was born in Nottinghamshire, questions the validity of Jermaine Pennant's Irishness.
"The Barca players were always moaning and complaining and that's something I dislike about them. In England, Chelsea players do the same." Robin van Persie moans and complains about Barcelona.
"We were asked to have our photograph taken and we removed our shirts as a tongue-in-cheek joke between friends." Leon Best explains away an impromptu photo shoot with Stephen Ireland after an ill-advised night out. Hey, we've all done it...
"Manchester City are favourites - they should be in there, shouldn't they? You look at their resources, look at the money they've been able to spend on players. They have got players worth £30-odd million who are not even starting." Be fair Harry, you've got players worth a billion.
"I can't wait, because love or loathe him Jacko is one of those iconic figures. I know some fans are grumbling about the statue but I think it is terrific. He was a very special bloke and one of a handful of people I am proud to have been on the planet at the same time as." Ian Holloway is in the front row for Fulham's unveiling of their Michael Jackson statue. You couldn't make it up.
He goes on: "I've got a model of Ali at home, back when he was Cassius Clay, in that famous pose over a prostrate Sonny Liston. It's one of my most treasured possessions and if I could get one of Jackson, I would. In fact, when we go to Fulham I'll take a little hacksaw, smuggle the statue on the team bus and take it home with me. Mind you, what if it does go missing now? They will be straight round to my house. It's not me, Mr Fayed. I won't nick it, honest!"
"I want to be frozen like Walt Disney and Michael Jackson. I don't want to be buried so I don't need a gravestone. I want to be cremated... but I'm never going to die." Kelly Sotherton. Should you tell her or should I...?
"I'm not a robot. I've been sprint champion a long time and wearing the winner's stripey jersey can become a bit of a burden. But I'll be back next year with a vengeance." Victoria Pendleton has to settle for bronze.
"I was hours away - I almost signed up for the England national team." Jose Mourinho does his best Jim 'here's what you could have won' Bowen impression. Apparently the Special One loves a bit of Bully.
"I tried to meet Rio at the Manchester United game. He was ready to meet me but he preferred not to meet us. I don't know why. It is a question for him, not me." The ever cuddly Capello makes yet another player/manager faux pas.
"I've been, with respect, a better player. I always got picked and played pretty good. So I've not been in that position where my quality of play has been poor and got to me mind-wise." Geoff Boycott, in no way a tiresome reactionary neanderthalic old bore, gives his considered opinion on Michael Yardy's decision to come home from the cricket World Cup with depression.
"I wish I'd had the chance to say he had nothing to be ashamed of, that we all understood and were right behind him." Paul Collingwood gives a more humane response.
"I've been practising better and training hard but on the match court I can't get anything going. I am p***** off. I don't want to be playing like this. I don't know exactly what it is." Andy Murray is at a loss to explain his current rubbishness.
"Before the World Cup you had certain players being lined up to be knighted. You're going into it with the best centre-half in the world, the best centre-forward in the world..." Craig Bellamy stokes the fire ahead of the biggest home nations mismatch since David Haye got in the ring with pacifist boxer Audley Harrison.
"You can have all this Welsh stuff, dragons, etcetera... which is great, it puts bums on seats. You can have as much dragon-fire talk as you want. It doesn't necessarily mean anything if you don't have the team." John Hartson has had it with dressing up as a daffodil on match days.
"The fans were booing the National Anthem and stuff like that. When you hear that you are pumped up even more. I don't want to get in to whether it's insulting, because when you play away from home you get that. But you pump your chest out even more and sing louder." Terry leads from the front in Cardiff.
"I was a bit rusty to start with, then I managed to beat a few. Then I dropped it in about my mum and dad..." Matt 'The Hustler' Jarvis lets slip to his new England team-mates that his parents were British No.1s on the table tennis circuit in their pomp.
"Can you imagine if Harrods told their customers they were closing for five weeks? Surprise, surprise, those customers would all go to Selfridges." Saracens chairman Nigel Wray hits out at the Rugby Football Union for scheduling a Super Rugby game at Twickenham on the same day as his side's home clash against Newcastle.
"The only thing I will be cutting is Groves down to size when we meet again on May 21. I'm going to take an axe to his ambitions of getting his hands on my British title." James DeGale excels in the art of trash talk.
"I've had the chance to think long and hard about it and today I've decided to stand down as captain of the Test team and the one-day team as of now."
Ricky Ponting calls time on his role as Australia captain.
Charlie Nicholas believes Luis Suarez is on course to overtake Kenny Dalglish as Liverpool's greatest ever player.
Matthew Macklin will be fighting in the iconic surroundings of Boardwalk Hall this weekend, but I'm sure he'd rather be in Darren Barker's position and defending a world title.
Much of the focus in League One this campaign has been on the struggles of pre-season favourites Sheffield United and Bristol City.