Quotes of the week

"The quality I've got makes people jealous." It's fair to say modesty isn't one of Nani's qualities.

"The reason why he is always injured is because we have sex 7-10 times a week. I hate foreplay, I want to get straight to the point. My favourite position is on top so I can take control." Kevin-Prince Boateng's girlfriend, Melissa Satta, gets to the bottom of a problem that has mystified physios for years.

On the subject of carnal affairs, here's Mr Eriksson in discourse with Didi Hamann on the topic of Thailand...

"Not a big fan of people that try to make scapegoats out of others. If u live by the sword, u die by it. If I talked about Neil, he'd do well to get another job. Twitter cost him his job???? I can think of a million other things #shutitwarnock"
Joey Barton Quotes of the week

"You know Kaiser, I like this place. I think I will manage for another five years and come back here and live with two women. Yes. I think I need two beautiful women."

"You have an 18-year-old kid making his first Premier League start and a player who's captain of his country and they are querying the substitution? Let's be serious. I've been a manager for 30 years and have made 50,000 substitutions. I do not have to justify every decision I make to you (the Press). I stand up for it." Arsene Wenger in no mood to explain his decision to replace Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain with fan favourite Andrey Arshavin.

"I was not having a go at the boss on Sunday - I was just sad to see Alex leave the pitch as he just gave the assist for our only goal. I was not questioning his judgement - I know it's not my place to challenge what Arsene Wenger does. Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain had a calf injury. We did not know that but the boss did and brought Andrey Arshavin on. The manager and I are fine and my relationship with the club is good. There is no problem, there is no conflict and there is no controversy. The boss knows that, I know that and the players know that." Motivational captain Robin van Persie after mouthing 'NO!' when Arshavin was summoned from the bench.

"Who knows?" Paul Scholes on whether he'd consider playing for England at Euro 2012.

"When you have a run of results like we had and you're not involved in football and you get people in your ear - agents, for example - tweeting him and speaking to him and talking about players ... there's some clever and manipulative people. I've no bitterness towards it. It's just how things go. I think you get used to a certain way of doing things but he is so far away, all over the world. I'm not a communicator by tweet, I'm afraid, so I was always going to be the last to know." Neil Warnock blames Twitter for his sacking at QPR.

"Lost his job and the guy is blaming everyone but himself! Embarrassing, time to look in the mirror mate. Last thing we need right. Big week. Looking forward to the game against Wigan tomo. 1st time in a while we actually have a plan and seem organised." There's no way an intellect like Joey Barton would rise to the bait.

"Not a big fan of people that try to make scapegoats out of others. If u live by the sword, u die by it. If I talked about Neil, he'd do well to get another job. Twitter cost him his job???? I can think of a million other things #shutitwarnock." #fortheloveofgodjoeywindyourneckin

"Like a lot of players he has his own idiosyncrasies here and there." Sergio Aguero masters the art of understatement when describing Mario Balotelli.

"Is it a welcome distraction? Maybe, as long as it is at the right time. You can always rely on Mario to set some fireworks off to get the headlines. He is just very confident in his own ability. He has lots of that. He is fun to have around the place." James Milner gets in the Catherine Wheels.

"Mario and Roberto are not married, but Mario is grateful. Sometimes they fight and argue, but Balotelli knows what Mancini was and is for him." Balotelli's agent Mino Raiola insists there are no grounds for divorce.

"Harry can borrow money from us if he does not have it. If you have a chance to buy good players - you do."
Roberto Mancini Quotes of the week

"Craig Bellamy is Craig Bellamy; I have no respect for him so he can do what he wants to do." Nigel Reo-Coker. We're sure he will Nige, we're sure he will...

"The sheikh and the club's supporters expect Mancini to deliver and if they don't win the Premier League title who is to say they won't sack him and bring in someone who can?" Harry Redknapp really isn't a fan of Manchester City, is he?

"Harry can borrow money from us if he does not have it. If you have a chance to buy good players - you do." Ding-ding, round one to Roberto Mancini.

"There is no-one at this football club who doesn't have respect for other people. If that was what the problem was, if they thought this game was not as important as the next one, then fine - but they won't be here." Kenny Dalglish fumes after Liverpool's abject defeat at Bolton.

"It was boring. There was nothing happening on the court. I didn't have to do anything, just hit the ball in court and he wasn't running." Andy Murray was pleased to conserve energy after a quickfire "boring" victory over an injured Mikhail Kukushkin at the Australian Open.

"That f****** queer. Get back to your sewing machine in Corrie, you moaning b******" The charming Michael Ball was fined £6,000 for this homophobic rant on Twitter. He has also just been released by Leicester City. Now that's what we call karma...ha