WORST TRAINER - The worst trainer would be someone like Tony Adams. He loved getting off the pitch!
BIGGEST MOANER - The biggest moaner by a million miles was Martin Keown. He was always moaning and never happy.
HARDMAN - Martin Keown! You don't want to get on the wrong side of him!
QUICKEST - The quickest player when I was there was Ashley Cole. He was like lightning.
THE JOKER - The joker was Gazza by a million miles. He was a total prankster and good fun. A good Gazza story? Shooting Jimmy Five Bellies up the bum with his air rifle!
MOST SKILFUL - Dennis Bergkamp by far. His touch was just magic; really unpredictable but brilliant.
MOST VAIN - I would say David Beckham. A good-looking lad though, so he gets away with it.
BEST INITIATION - At Arsenal, the one that I saw was that the apprentices had to stand on a box and sing a song at Christmas time and if they got it wrong they got covered in freezing cold ice water.
WORST DRESS SENSE - Nigel Martyn. Some of his outfits for England were not good! Just odd; he got dressed in the dark!
BEST DANCER - That would be Wrighty (Ian Wright). He's got a few moves.
WORST DANCER - Me, possibly. I can't dance even when I'm drunk!
AND... WHO'S THE LONGEST IN THE SHOWER? I'm not answering that. No way. But there's a few!