Olympic medallist Nile Wilson spoke to Sky Sports News about his story with mental health and addiction for mental health awareness week; "I learned the hard way, that mental health and addiction are very closely aligned. They're like best pals," said Wilson.
Wednesday 15 May 2024 13:23, UK
Imagine being one the best in the world at what you do.
Winning a bronze medal in the Olympics at 20-years-old.
And then, retiring at 24 because your body won't let you compete.
Gymnast Nile Wilson made history at the Rio 2016 Olympics, becoming the first Briton ever to medal in the horizontal bar. Overnight his life changed.
Fame entered the picture. So did a huge social media following inspired by a successful YouTube channel. And a journey with mental health and addiction.
Depression, alcohol and gambling have all played their part in Wilson's story with mental health. With the neck injury in 2018 that forced retirement from his sport acting as a catalyst for the toughest moments dealing with depression.
"Look, I was certainly one of those people that didn't necessarily believe in what mental health and depression was," said Wilson.
"I was a positive, outgoing guy and a successful guy and I thought you could self-talk your way into a positive life.
"When depression slapped me in the face, you find that isn't the case. And it is a scary lonely period.
"I learned the hard way, that mental health and addiction are very closely aligned. They're like best pals.
"And unfortunately, we start to use these things like alcohol and gambling to escape our own feelings. I was doing those two things on a daily basis in my lowest moments. And it was a scary place to be.
"But that's sort of the only way at the time I knew how to cope with what I was going through.
"Knowing what I know now, I'm much more self-aware and can tell someone they don't need those things.
"They're like best pals [alcohol and gambling], and unfortunately, we start to use alcohol and gambling to escape our own feelings. There's lot of things I've done I'm not proud of.
"But in those moments, I was just desperate and desperate for help. I look back on that and having come through everything, just knowing my power is self-awareness."
Wilson wants to help others. His book, The Lessons, is his guide to working through mental health issues based on his own experiences.
And for Wilson, the injury that forced him to quit competitive gymnastics was devastating, leading him to use alcohol and gambling to numb the pain.
"Injuries are a part of sport," said Wilson.
"But I think they are closely aligned to these sorts of [mental health] challenges.
"It's like me saying to you, you're not allowed to do your job for the next six months, but you have to work harder and push through physical pain.
"That takes its toll mentally for sure. And certainly, my neck injury, it did lead to ending my career, and it also changed who I was as a physical athlete.
"I realised how much I underpinned my definition of myself on my physical capabilities.
"If things were great in the gym and I was winning gold medals, brilliant. If I was injured or things weren't going so great, then I would just crash down to the ground. And I really had to readjust that in retirement and realised I'm more than my sport and what I can physically do. I'm not a superhero. I'm a human being."
When first questioned on how retirement from gymnastics was treating Wilson, he admitted it had been a tough journey.
A career that brought Olympic success, five Commonwealth gold medals and a silver World Championship medal was over.
The second time the word was brought up, he pushed back.
"Retirement's been a really tough road," said Wilson.
"I've had lots and lots of conversations with high-level athletes and I think this is a period of discovering who Nile is. Just existing and not being validated for being a champion.
"Every day is a discovery, just on my own self-awareness and trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do.
"And I seem to be doing better certainly in the last six months."
So why the last six months?
"I think I was just brave enough and disciplined enough to go, 'you know I actually don't like the person I am when my bad behaviour is acting up'.
"You know, I just thought 'I'll take control of that and the things I know that were good for my mental well-being'.
"I don't really like the word retirement.
"I stopped doing competitive sport at 25. And we say 'retire' but it's not the case.
"I've got a purpose in my life. I've got this new sense of gratitude and perspective on trying to reflect and be proud of my career and what I've done and not be sad that it's over."
The Paris Olympics is on the horizon and Wilson knows there will be athletes who will go from being well know in their sporting circles, to household names overnight.
"There's going to be a lot of first-timers, and they've trained their whole life for this. And the chase and the process is exciting. It's fierce. It's ferocious," said Wilson.
"We're about to see athletes that are going to change the world. We're going to see performances that just blow everyone's minds.
"But why in the mix of all that would you talk about what comes after? You don't want to. It's just too exciting.
"There is an after. I didn't think it was there. I didn't believe it was there. And the likelihood is you're going to experience a little crash.
"But my advice is just for everyone to remember you're more than your sport.
"I defined myself by gymnastics and gold medals and the athlete I was. Not by the person that I am, not by being a good friend, not by being a nice guy, not by helping people.
"So I think just remember that. But you're going to go through a whirlwind. But it's also extremely, incredibly exciting and you've worked hard for this.
"I just want them to not make the same mistakes I did and, you know, come home and party for six months and then sort of dig themselves a hole.
"But enjoy it and try and listen to yourself when it matters."
Addaction is a UK wide treatment agency, helping individuals, families and communities to manage the effects of drug and alcohol misuse. Visit addaction.org.uk for more information.
Samaritans offer confidential, non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day for people who are experiencing feelings of distress, despair or suicide. Call 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org or visit samaritans.org for more information.
