Friday 4 December 2015 15:15, UK
Former England spinner Monty Panesar says an inability to settle due to mental health issues has been the cause of his cricketing downfall.
The 33-year-old, who was released by Essex at the end of the 2015 season, admits "full responsibility" for his actions, saying that paranoia has prevented him from being able to settle.
Panesar has played 50 Tests for England since making his debut against India in 2006, taking 167 wickets at an average of 34.17, but he has not featured in the England side since the 5-0 whitewash in Australia in 2013/14.
The slow left-arm spinner is aiming to return to cricket this winter overseas with a view to joining a county next season.
This would mean either returning to Northants, or signing for the fourth county of his career.
"When my confidence goes low a little bit, I kind of get some paranoid thinking coming into my mind," Panesar told Sky Sports News HQ. "It makes me think that the world is against me.
"It took me quite a long time to be true to myself and I was in denial for a bit of time. But when I got down to the bottom of it, it was actually me. I take full responsibility."
Panesar was released by Sussex late in the 2013 season after urinating on a Brighton nightclub bouncer. After a loan spell at Northants, it was Essex who took the plunge on the player during a tumultuous stage of his career.
However, Panesar featured in just five first-class fixtures for Essex last season, spending much of the summer in the second eleven. During his final game of cricket for Essex, Panesar registered his 700th first-class wicket against Division Two Champions Surrey, but he was released at the end of the season.
"When I was in the dressing room I would think that some of the guys were not with me or maybe the world outside was not with me. The further I didn't accept this idea and the more I was in denial, the more paranoid I got.
"I needed help and I did ask for help. I think I have got a good team around me which has helped me with this. I met a hypnotherapist and he made me realise that something wasn't quite right."
England have struggled to find a prolific spin bowler since the retirement of Graeme Swann, and the decline in form of Panesar, two players who played their final Tests for England during the 2013/14 Ashes series in Australia.
England will tour India and Bangladesh next winter, which gives Panesar the perfect opportunity to stake a claim for international selection, providing he is able to make a successful return to the game.
Panesar took 17 wickets in three Tests during the 2012 series in India, which England won 2-1, but his career has declined substantially since then and he will have to work hard to restore his reputation.
