Olympic champion Victoria Pendleton has revealed the "constant struggle" she faces in an effort to retain her superiority.
Olympic star says Beijing success felt like an "anti-climax"
Ahead of this weekend's World Cup in Manchester, Olympic champion Victoria Pendleton has revealed the "constant struggle" she faces in an effort to retain her superiority.
Speaking to
The Guardian, the 28-year-old revealed that, despite a year which has so far brought double success at the World Track Championships as well as a sprint gold in Beijing, she remains dissatisfied with her performances.
Labelling herself "a self-critical perfectionist", Pendleton further admitted that a fear of letting her team-mates down meant she could not fully enjoy the Olympic Games.
And, preparing for her attempts on the sprint and keirin titles this weekend at the Manchester Velodrome, Pendleton said that her rigorous schedule often left her feeling "fatigued".
"I really can't maintain the form I was in at the world championships (in March) and the Olympic Games this long," she told the newspaper. "I've worked at it these last few weeks but I'm struggling.
"Believe me, it's a constant struggle. People say 'Wow, you've achieved it all this year, two world championship wins and an Olympic gold medal.' And I think , 'Yeah, but how come I feel so unsatisfied and under pressure all over again?'"
Need to win
Ahead of big events such as the World Cup, Pendleton said a simple need to win, driven by a fear of failure, helped her overcome exhaustion.
"I beat myself up the whole time because I'm striving for something I'll basically never achieve," she continued. "I portray this image of confidence, of arrogance, and it's not really me. I'm never satisfied and I'm never content.
"I'm coming in (to the World Cup) as world and Olympic champion and so I don't want to be explaining to the media afterwards about what went wrong. For me to be beaten now would be really distressing."
In a summer of unprecendented success for Team Great Britain in Beijing, Pendleton's star status was confirmed when she beat Australian rival Anna Meares to take gold.
However, with Team GB's cyclists bringing home an unprecendented total of seven gold medals, Pendleton said her Olympic experience was not the one some people might expect.
"I was an emotional wreck beforehand because, while I was happy for everyone else, I was apprehensive about my ride," she said. "I was worried that I would be the one person who let down the team.
"So winning was just a relief. And even that felt like a complete anti-climax."
Success
Nevertheless, in spite of admitting that she can never be truly satisfied with her displays on track, Pendleton added that success at London 2012 would be the next best thing.
"I soon worked out that the only thing I could do was to get another gold medal. I need one," she said.
"If 2012 goes to plan, winning the Olympics on my home turf, I might finally feel I've achieved the ultimate for me."
