On your guard

Bumble says his own experiences have made him wary of security on the subcontinent.

Bumble says safety has always been an issue in Pakistan and India

This week's events in Lahore were undoubtedly a tragedy for cricket and for the country of Pakistan. Of course no cricket can be played there for the foreseeable future, so yet again millions of people are going to be deprived of a sport which is a huge part of their way of life. All of the honest people of Pakistan are the losers here. Unfortunately you just need a few bad eggs among those millions of people and you've got chaos. Terrorism has attacked sport, but I have not been impressed by some of the statements made by Pakistan Cricket Board chief Ijaz Butt. I find it entirely inappropriate that he should question the complaints made by Chris Broad and the umpires about the level of security. I'm not out there, but it would seem strange that Dominic Cork, both umpires, the match referee and Muttiah Muralitharan have all suggested the police presence was not good enough. They may have the best intentions in terms of security, but it has been proved twice that it can be breeched - once in India last November and once again in Pakistan. From my own experiences of going on tour to the subcontinent, I am very wary about the level of security. When I was in India last autumn, there was a knock on the door of my fourth-floor hotel room and when I opened it there was a guy stood there with a gun. As it turns out, it was a security guard who wanted me to pose for a photograph, but it scared me half to death. I believe we do it right in England. I am on first-name terms with the security guards at every English ground, but I am still thoroughly searched every single morning and sniffer dogs are sent into my car. That's how it should be. Sadly that wasn't the case when I was India last year and I'll give you an example. Oliver Holt from the Daily Mirror managed to get into a ground and walk right into the middle of the pitch - and all he needed to do that was his pass from last year's FA Cup Final. I rest my case, let's talk about something else.

Found out

I expected England to win the series 4-0 in the West Indies, but we've been found out. Evidently we can't find a team when Andrew Flintoff is missing. Unfortunately it seems the only way to replace him is to go to the ICC and ask to play with 12 men. We don't appear to have four bowlers capable of taking 20 wickets on absolutely flat pitches. We don't have 95mph bowlers and we don't have wrist spinners. They should have had five bowlers on that last pitch, but they are wary of doing that so when the pitch is docile we are in trouble. Atherton's words were that these are very 'worthy' bowlers' and unless it's spicy they are just not effective enough. Thankfully, there's a result every time in Trinidad so four bowlers should be fine - but I'm still not convinced they are good enough to get the 20 wickets we need to take something from this tour.

Flat chance

I am increasingly concerned about flat pitches. In my eyes they are corporate pitches to ensure five days of revenue. When I was involved with England I asked the Chief Executive whether he'd rather see England win an Ashes Test match in three days or a five-day draw. He said he'd rather have the five-day option. You can't fool me. What they are doing is taking all of the grass off, rolling it to death and ensuring the pitch is dead. That means the match will last five days and they'll get their full compliment of revenue. It's a very short-sighted approach. That's why people are saying Test match cricket is boring, and let's be honest the Barbados Test was unbelievably dull. You need zest, you need spice and you need the chance of a result.

Viva Espana

This blog is actually coming to you from sunny Spain. The wife is shivering because it's only 16 degrees and we've been promised 24! She's spent much of the trip visiting various shoe shops and I'm struggling to understand quite how many pairs she needs. You'd think she has more feet than a centipede. By the way, if anybody wants some genuine designer sunglasses or Rolex watches then let me know because there's a Moroccan fellow selling them for two euros a pop. He's got all of the best brands - Ormani, Dolce and Gabbanni... They're all genuine so I'm taking orders.

Bumble answers your questions...

Send your questions to Bumble by filling in the feedback form below. Or you can mail them in by e-mailing skysportsclub@bskyb.com PRINCESS DYE
Hi David. Good to see you back on the screen. You are looking very well groomed at the moment. Have you been dying your hair? Anne. BUMBLE REPLIES: I have never, ever done that in my life. I intend to grow old gracefully with no enhancements to my face or my hair. There is something doubtful about men who dye their hair. It's akin to wearing ear-rings - they usually go with high heels. BOOK CASE
Bumble should definitely play at least another season and maybe Sky could show a bit more of it. Failing that, when is he going to write a book about his life in cricket? Looking forward to him commentating on the 20/20 already. John BUMBLE REPLIES: Well John, I've done three books and they're all out of print but if you scour the second-hand bookshops you might be able to find the autobiography. However, there is another in the pipeline that I'm quite excited about. It's 12 months in my life from September 2008 to September 2009, covering all of my escapades. It'll hopefully be out in time for Christmas. As for cricket, I'd definitely like to play somewhere, perhaps the Over-50's County League. My secret ambition (which is no longer a secret now I've put it in the blog) is to score one more century. That's why I'm doing it - and it would be great if I could do it in time to get it in the new book!