Falling on deaf ears

Bumble on players' reluctance to play, his colleagues' musical tastes and a radical re-think for mascots.

Bumble's plea to players and co-commentators

Here's a novel idea... let's just play cricket. The finish at Edgbaston on Wednesday was just farcical. No other word for it. And the ones you felt sorry for throughout the whole charade were the spectators. They sat through that all day waiting for some cricket and a result one way or the other and having been there, I can tell you it was bloody awful. It was freezing cold, raining and yet no-one seemed to give two hoots about the poor paying public. I know a lot of fingers have been pointed in various directions, but it is down to the players at the end of the day. And sorry to say, they showed no regard for the spectators whatsoever. I'm assuming it was the fielding side that were rucking because they couldn't see, but whoever took the decision to come off it was absolutely, mind-bogglingly, the wrong one. Don't blame the umpires either. The best in the world is Simon Taufel and he will tell you that they have guidelines to go by and they do not take the players off - it's the players that go off. When they came off, New Zealand needed seven to win off six balls. Now I'm a gambling man and England could've won that because if they had taken a wicket, the score would've gone up. As soon as I got in the pub I asked two blokes I knew what they would've done and they both said "take the gamble". It's a shame no-one shared that view out in the middle. That half-hour turnaround rule is complete nonsense as well. As Nigel Long, the third umpire, explained to us, the set of rules are there but they have got to be revisited. Common sense has to prevail and that means good old Rule 43. All it needs is a little tweak to the light rulings - "at the discretion of the umpires". It's that simple, I could do it myself! It takes 10 minutes to get the teams back out there. The 30-minute rule was put in place for places like Kolkata and Adelaide where it might be 40 degrees and 100 per cent humidity. There, it is bloody hard work for the umpires and they need the respite. It does not apply to Birmingham, when it's freezing cold, lashing down and getting dark. The bottom line is we are in the entertainment business and I can't help but think we've just shot ourselves in the foot. We all started the week talking about Kevin Pietersen's switch shot and how great it was for the game, how innovative it was - even Michael Holding had to admit that - and here we are talking about rules and regulations and depriving people of what they want to see... cricket.

Popped hamstring

There was no reverse sweeping, slogging, switch shots for me at the weekend when, I was left contemplating my future in the game following an injury. There I was out in the deep for Accrington, chasing one to the boundary when my hamstring just popped as if I'd been shot. That could be it for me now folks, I'm afraid, and the blessed weather did not help one little bit. You'd think after 43 years of cricket and a few more living in this country, I'd be used to it by now, but it really got to me on Wednesday. Although I would never kick the dog (he's too nice for that), I came close to kicking the wife when I got back home, I was that gutted. Thought better of it though.

Tone deaf

The one positive thing the breaks at Edgbaston did was give me and my boss, Paul King, the chance to introduce The Fall into the Sky Sports commentary box. Kingy stuck a couple of tracks on and two of my esteemed colleagues turned round and in words not quite as polite as we can print, enquired as to what exactly we were listening to! Who were they? Messrs Botham and Hussain, which I found a bit rich. Botham is tone deaf and likes his Frank Sinatra while the young buck of the team he may be, but Nasser keeps his music taste like his money... very much to himself! The Fall have opened up a whole new world to me and also given me a new twist to my commentaries. I can promise you all that one of their songs will be mentioned in commentary from now on. On Wednesday, after six overs it was time for Daniel Vettori to Levitate his bowlers, and there will be more of that to come. If you spot a reference, mail in and we will publish a list of the clever dicks out there. That should keep you Listening In...

The Hollish

Away from the cricket, I am bang into Euro 2008 and loving every minute. I'm catching as much as I can on the telly and on the radio if needs be and I love it to bits. I am not one of these who loses interest if England aren't there, although if any of the British sides had made it, I would have been behind the lot. But in their absence, I have been particularly impressed by The Netherlands. The Hollish are flying, doing really well, unlike my mountaineering holiday there the other year, which kind of fell flat. I still think Germany will come good and the Italians are still there, so the three teams I tipped up before the tournament are looking good. The only regret I have is I didn't have a punt. Like I say, sometimes you have to gamble...

Bumble answers your questions...

MINISTER MEN
Bumble - I am the girl you spoke to on the phone about your facebook group (a very surreal experience as I was spreading slug pellets over my strawberry patch at the time). If anyone's interested, the link to the facebook group "David 'Bumble' Lloyd for PM" is: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2381127566 Administered by the lovely Hannah, we welcome all Bumble fans who wish to see him esconsed in Number 10 (we eagerly anticipate an early policy announcement regarding public flogging for all lawnmower thieves). Any suggestions as to who should be included in your first Cabinet? Mel Griffiths
BUMBLE SAYS: Well I was still pondering my chat show line-up but seeing as George W has come and gone this week and I've missed him, I'll have a go at picking a cabinet as well. You'll have to forgive me Mel but as nice as the Facebook group is, I would still have Jeremy Clarkson as PM and I would gladly be his deputy. I'd be Prescott... no, forget that! If I were running the country, Clarkson would need to be the enforcer, so probably the Home Secretary or Minister for Law and Order. The Chancellor (who I see is called Darling, the poor man) would have to be Nasser Hussain. He's tight as hell our Nasser, wouldn't even give a door a bang. The Culture Minister has got to be the one and only Mark E Smith and my Minister for Entertainment would be Botham. Minister for Education would, I suppose, have to be the cricket journalist, Michael Henderson. You're looking for someone smart with a bit of wisdom and I don't come across too many of those when I turn up for work every day. LAWNMOWER MAN
Hi Bumble, I might have some news about your lawnmower! Will get back to you soon on this but whilst I have your attention I wonder if you could put a word in for me with Peter Moores about the team for the Antigua game in November. Firstly I'm available. I might not quite be in form not having picked up a bat for the last 40 years but I'm sure I can soon get the hang of it again - bit like riding a bike really. Talking of which, if he does pick me I'll have to be excused from the exercise bike routine that they seem to have recently brought in on account of my piles! I can bring a doctor's note if necessary. I don't think there is any need to remind Peter of the age discrimination laws and in any case my arthritis shouldn't be a problem in such a warm climate as Antigua. Anyhow, a mix of youth and wisdom has always proved beneficial in my sessions at Alcoholics Anonymous and I'm sure that this asset is transferable to cricket. Secondly and lastly, you might not see your lawnmower again unless I'm in the team and I mean the starting XI - don't think for one moment you can pawn me off with 12th man! Anyhow hope to have a favourable reply upon which good news re your lawnmower can be expected to follow. Happy Days, Mike, Leeds
BUMBLE SAYS: Is that Mike from Leeds or Samuel Pepys? That's not a letter, you've written a book there pal! First of all, if you think I can get you in that Twenty20 side Mike, why do you think I'm playing! I'll be the only veteran out there in Antigua, I can assure you. Secondly, as I have said before, any information you or anyone else should have on the missing mower, should not come straight to me, but give it to Mad George. He's the one conducting the investigations from now on. If you wander into the centre of Manchester - which I wouldn't advise if you come from Leeds - just ask anyone, they'll point Mad George out to you. Suffice to say he hasn't found it yet and if he does, I'm not sure what he'll do with it. I have had to go and buy a new one and you don't get much need for a mower in the middle of Manchester! SPITTING FIRE
Bumble, I'm the mascot for Essex CCC, Eddie the Eagle. Unfortunately, due to my sister getting married on finals day I missed running in the Mascot Race last year, and my stand-in didn't do so well! I take it you will be commentating the race as usual?!?!? Do you think we should make sure the Kent Mascot has a big head and large feet? If he doesn't, I may well have to take matters into my own hands! Marcus Bennett
BUMBLE SAYS: Right, it's time to get serious! This Mascots' Race is the feature of finals day and I agree with you, Marcus (or is it Eddie?) if I had been competing last year I would have had some serious complaints about the Kent Spitfire as well. He just wasn't carrying anything. It might be something to do with the luggage charges these airlines introduce, but the lad was down to the bare minimum. I won't advocate taking the law into your own hands, but it is something that the Mascot's Assocation of Great Britain will have to look into this year. I am also going to get on to the powers that be - and I am being seriously serious now - to make the course longer. It's too short! It should be right around the perimeter of the boundary with obstacles coming thick and fast. I am going to put that into motion as soon as I can. That'll sort the men out from the boys, from the Spitfires, from the Sharks, from the Eagles... Do you have a question for Bumble? Send us your thoughts using the feedback form below and continue to e-mail him your questions HERE