Saturday 12 November 2016 08:41, UK
If this is a dream - then please don't wake me up, my little heart will break.
I remember when I signed my contract with Sky Sports, I told my boss Gary Hughes: "If QPR ever come calling for me, Gary, then sorry, I'm going."
And here we are. QPR did call and - 10 years after leaving the club - I'm back home.
On Monday, I woke up expecting a normal day but little did I know my life was about to change.
I received a call saying Tony Fernandes was interested in talking to me, to see if I had any interest in the job. My heart started beating faster. Was this really happening?
An hour later, I spoke to Tony and was bowled over by his enthusiasm for the club.
It was a very emotional phone call.
I spoke about the club from the heart and he was on my wavelength very quickly. Despite a couple of bumps in the road, he's still got the desire and love needed to take this club forward.
Within a couple of hours, Les Ferdinand and CEO Lee Hoos came shooting across the M4 to speak to me at my home. Whatever I said during the meeting must have struck a chord with them, as luckily for me on Thursday, I got the call saying I was the man for the job.
I'll never forget that moment.
It had been an honour to serve QPR for 10 years of my life, but to be given another opportunity working with people who have been my team-mates through the years - like Les and Andy Sinton, who is the club ambassador - is just amazing.
Barack Obama used the analogy of a relay runner to describe his tenure as US President and I can totally relate to that.
I'm delighted to pick up the QPR baton and run with it. I'm going to run as hard as I can and carry it with immense pride and try to make a difference.
I used to take penalties at Bristol Rovers because I didn't trust anyone else to care like I did. I feel like that about this job.
I've painted a picture in my brain of the QPR badge up on a mantelpiece covered in gold. It needs to be looked after and worshipped. Like with the penalties at Rovers, I don't think anyone would care for that badge as much as I would.
Although my work with Sky has been hugely rewarding, you can't replace the buzz of football management.
I've missed the excitement of being on that rollercoaster. The ups and the downs.
I watched QPR U23s play on Friday and it all came flooding back. I saw the hope, drive and passion in the players' eyes.
That's what I've missed.
Moments like when you see Gareth Ainsworth bang one in from 40 yards and see the look on his face or the passion in Kevin Gallen's eyes when he scored a goal to win promotion. You can't replace those feelings.
I've been away for so long, I'm going to have some butterflies stepping out onto the training pitch.
I haven't even got any football boots!
I'm also going to look fatter in my tracksuit than I did 10 years ago.
I'm so thankful for Gary giving me a chance to work with Sky Sports. There are so many people to thank - too many to name.
Adam Craig - who looked after me and bossed me around a bit on my first few trial shifts off camera - talented fellas such as Scott Minto and Simon Thomas, and Jayne and Laura, the make-up ladies. Even my mum said I looked smart on the TV. They were miracle workers.
I was so blown away by the immense size of the business yet everything works so crisply.
Everyone knows their role. It's such a well-oiled machine. They are top of the league for a reason.
The amount of work that goes into an outside broadcast is scary. It taught me about how the structure is so important in getting your product right - the relationship between producer and director is so crucial. I'll use that experience to help develop my working relationship with Les.
Covering games as a TV pundit has also opened my eyes to how much football means to supporters.
You never really get to feel the sheer passion from supporters when you're in the dugout as you're too busy concentrating on the game. But when you're in the studio at matches, you really appreciate the emotion in the stands.
I just hope I can convince my players to appreciate being professional footballers and to give their all for the fans that pay good money to come and support them week-in, week-out. I want my players to relate to the people - otherwise football will slip too far away from the working man.
I'm going to try and make every player that puts on the Hoops shirt aware of how I, Les, and all the fans feel about QPR.
At Blackpool, I created an environment where my players could go from unknowns to heroes. That's what I want to do at QPR.
You can make players better and that's what we're going to try and do. Give me that instead of overpaid, underworked, ageing, ignorant, mercenaries, who are just there to pick their money up.
QPR have made those mistakes in the past, but those days are gone.
I want players that roll their sleeves up and don't sulk. You have to wear that shirt with pride. Who knows where that could take us?
If I can end up being QPR manager - twice - then anything in life in possible.
