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All Guns blazing

Bumble blogs from Perth ahead of the third Test

David Lloyd - David Lloyd Posted 15th December 2010 view comments

We've been in Perth since Saturday and let me tell you, rock and roll is here to stay.

Guns 'n' Roses are in the same hotel as us. We've seen Axl Rose hanging around and it's not hard to spot the other members of the band. They're all very heavily tattooed and there was one chap sat at the bar with a top hat on.

Johnson: needs to perform

Johnson: needs to perform

I must admit, I've never cared much for their music. Sweet Child 'O Mine was okay, I suppose, but it's not really my thing.

U2 are coming to town this weekend as well. They're not for me either, although I quite like the famous Edge guitar line at the start of When the Streets Have No Name.

After getting here, I met up with three mates from Manchester, who insisted that we went for a drink in the Barmy Army Perth HQ, the aptly named Lucky Shag.

You could say that their cricket is a bit of a laugh at the moment. Well, I've just been watching a one-day game on TV and a fellow called Tommy Cooper has taken two catches!

Bumble
Quotes of the week

THIRD ASHES TEST
Australia v England

2am, Thu, Sky Sports HD1
Follow the Ashes wherever you are - on Sky Sports HD1, Sky Player, Sky Mobile and skysports.com

I agreed to go along, but warned them we might get 'Barmy Army-ed'. In the end I put a pair of dark glasses on to avoid detection.

Regular readers will know I have a theory about people wearing dark glasses indoors, but this place had no windows so I think I got away with it!

No Beer?

It looks like a u-turn rather than a U2 for Australia in the third Test match.

They've made some extraordinary selections and the talk is that they're going to play four pace bowlers with Michael Beer being left out. They've got Steven Smith to provide a bit of spin, but I think they'll need Simon Smith and his amazing dancing bear to beat England!

There's a programme called Inside Cricket on Fox Sport out here, and the panel have been getting really stuck in to the Australian players. Of Xavier Doherty, Mark Waugh said: "He bowled that many pies he should have opened a bakery."

Ricky Ponting says they deserve all the stick they're getting after playing some pretty ordinary cricket. He's not hiding and I admire him for that. As usual people are talking about sacking the captain, but if you take a step back you wonder who else could do the job. He's only as good as the team he's got.

In my opinion, the best bowlers are in the side, but the problem is they're all coming back from injury. It was pretty clear they were unfit in the first two Tests and maybe 10 days off will have helped.

They need a spark and everybody here is saying that Mitchell Johnson has to perform. This bloke was International Cricketer of the Year in 2009, but as I've written in this blog before, we in England have never seen anything like that. I don't think it's unfair to say he's been dreadful every time I've watched him.

I thought they might send him away to play some cricket, but he has stayed with the group and just netted. Well, there's a time when those nets are going to get taken away.

And if he was that great, why did he get left out in the first place?

A final word on Australia. You could say that their cricket is a bit of a laugh at the moment. Well, I've just been watching a one-day game on TV and a fellow called Tommy Cooper has taken two catches!

Ace card

The groundsman says it's going to be a four-day pitch at the WACA - and that sounds like 2-0 to England.

I think we have enough strength in depth to cover Stuart Broad and our ace card is Graeme Swann's ability to bowl into the wind. Australia have brought in Ben Hilfenhaus to do that, but Swann's slow balls will be tailor-made for the conditions. He'll love it here.

However, James Anderson's trans-Atlantic flight to witness the birth of his child will be an issue. He's back here now and they're expecting him to slot straight back into the team.

It took me 10 days to get over the jet lag when I arrived on Australia. Of course, I'm 63 and he's 28 and much fitter than I am but I'd have though he'll need a bit of time to recover.

Not as much as Mrs Anderson will, mind you!

Helpful handicaps

There has been a little bit of sporting success for Australia. They managed to win the Ashes Ryder Cup, held between Team Sky Sports and the local wine-makers.

As usual, there were one or two discrepancies over the handicaps of the home players. One chap declared in the bar afterwards that he usually plays off +1, but he'd not played at that course so he'd decided to play off played off +3. Another fellow said he played off +12, but he hadn't played for a while so he thought he'd play off +15.

Absolutely fine lads...

Of course, they took the full 100 per cent handicap difference where we'd usually play three-quarters. No wonder they win every time.

Unfortunately I only managed half a day of play alongside Paul Allott before my tennis elbow got the better of me.

We also drafted in Michael Vaughan to play alongside Sir Beefy and he later Tweeted that Botham was the worst golfer he'd ever played with.

That was a brave effort from Vaughan, especially when you bear in mind that Botham isn't on Twitter and will never see it...

Comments (20)

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Chris Boswell says...

Been a great series and good to see an English team live up to expectations.Amazing record score,particularly with such a slow outfield.I expect we may see more records broken with the introduction of referral system.

Posted 23:32 6th January 2011

Gordon Mccullough says...

With all these coaches about you would think they would tell the Batsmen to 'Play straight against the left arm inswing--especially early on in the Innings'' Don't leave the bat away from the body outside the off stump' ''It is a 5 day test and shots do not need to be played at every ball' Mike Hussey showed everyone the way. I feel short changed after 3 and bit days of Cricket and $10.70 for a Pint in the Half Moon and Sixpence here in Perth GMc

Posted 06:14 21st December 2010

Andrew Jones says...

very disappointed with the result in perth, following the trend of losing at headingly and last test in s africe we need a gud 1st innings to put pressure back on the aussies. ps say hello to both foe me joner

Posted 10:27 20th December 2010

John Mooney says...

Just arrived home after watching all 4 days of the third test at the waca, sorry 3 days and 1 hour.England outplayed in all facets of the game, by a Aussie team rated by many as the worst they have put on the park for over 20 years, As the old saying goes "When the going gets tough, the tough get going" England just imploded against genuine fast bowling on a good pitch,which was also good for batting (ask Hussey and Watson) Game now on at the MCG. It now looks like the ashes could be on the way back. to Australia. By the way Bumble is your book available in Perth and if it is, where would i be able to buy it?. Cheers.

Posted 06:38 19th December 2010

Andrew Bagnara says...

Great weather, great crowd and now looks like 1-1. What a lead to the MCG and 90,000 on day 1. I can feel the excitement!

Posted 00:30 19th December 2010

Mike Cole says...

Petersen good batsman BUT doesn't seem to bat for the team lately, all or nothing.

Posted 15:15 18th December 2010

Michael Doherty says...

Is the seagull fielding for England called Umar? Umar Gul is clearly a Pakistan international cricketer and shouldn't be playing for England!

Posted 07:50 18th December 2010

Deborah Bray says...

Hi Bumble, Need to have some ladies commenting here don't we? Although my first sport is athletics I love cricket and am really enjoying this series although trying to stay awake at night listening to Five Live Extra is proving very difficult. Glad I fell asleep last night though! Come on England, one bad batting innings isn't the end of the world. It wasn't that you batted badly, just give credit to the excellent bowling by Johnson. Come back refreshed tomorrow and DON'T go defensive when you bat again!

Posted 20:32 17th December 2010

Deborah Bray says...

Hi Bumble, Need to have some ladies commenting here don't we? A;lthough my first sport is athletics I love cricket and am really enjoying this series although trying to stay awake at night listening to Five Live Extra is proving very difficult. Glad I fell asleep last night though! Come on England, one bad batting innings isn't the end of the world. It wasn't that you batted badly, just give credit to the excellent bowling by Johnson. Come back refreshed tomorrow and DON'T go defensive when you bat again!

Posted 20:31 17th December 2010

Andrew Cooper says...

C'mon Bumble. Your a fair man. Give Johnson some credit now. He just stopped you guys from winning the Ashes.

Posted 18:01 17th December 2010

David Rattray says...

I just wonder how u think ireland will do in world cup i think they would do better if they could keep their best players ie.eoin morgan and ed joyce waT U THINK

Posted 08:50 16th December 2010

Pete Nutty says...

Great blog... love the comments on the golf handicaps... sitting in sunny Qatar, having a cold 'morning' beer watching the Ozzies under the cosh... better than watching PM Questions and Lies in the Commons...! Keep it going Bumble...

Posted 06:26 16th December 2010

Stef Godsman says...

aussies really dont like a bit of competition do they, did they moan and whinge like this when india whooped em? it was in line anyone can see that

Posted 04:17 16th December 2010

John Smith says...

ee Bumble its a bad time in lanky at moment as you might have read thindians have sacked big sam clarets get beat after being two up and tstanley cant buy a win hope you can send us some good news from oz o and by the way its just started snowin therl be snowploughs up redcap toneet!

Posted 23:36 15th December 2010

Steve Alford says...

I expect the Aussies to make a good fist of this match and to come out all guns blazing the proof will be if we bat for a full day and only lose a couple of wkts will thier heads drop

Posted 22:33 15th December 2010

Ian Mcauley says...

the aussie picks smack of desperartion and who can blame them i imagine this tour cant finish a day to soon for them. never mind i"am really enjoying the cricket and the sky commentry team are as good as the bbc team of seventys.

Posted 21:37 15th December 2010

Dave Williamson says...

good blog as per i see the aussies are a bit stuck on the drinks front swapping a boullinger for a beer

Posted 14:26 15th December 2010

Gary Davis says...

Great blog but missing you on Twitter. Understand your issue but there has to be a way to block, ban these people. Don't let the bullys of the world win, find a way back to Twitter... please.

Posted 13:10 15th December 2010

Paul Griffiths says...

Bumble, we need you home ASAP. The countries gone to the dog's, even the students are fighting. As soon as we've won the Ashes back on Saturday night, come back, we need you!!!

Posted 12:58 15th December 2010

Dave James says...

Ozzies following the Botham style of cricket. When in doubt get a fresh Beer.

Posted 11:46 15th December 2010

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