Monday 1 January 2018 08:22, UK
As another year in football draws to a close we've done our best to boil it down to the quips and quotes that mattered most.
Some of it is illuminating, some fascinating, and some is downright baffling. There are plenty of repeat offenders in this year's rundown, as well as one or two who are not so well known for speaking out. We've got Zlatan Ibrahimović in predictably verbose form, Arsene Wenger backed into a corner about his future, and Brendan Rodgers getting himself in all kinds of bother over how many players make up a football team...
There's a special guest appearance from Elton John, Kevin de Bruyne explains why playing with David Silva is like arguing with his wife, whilst Pep Guardiola and Tony Pulis lose track of time over a friendly drink. So join us for a nostalgic jaunt as we revisit the last 12 months in words...
"I have no individual targets because that I did already, after three months in England. I conquered England - it took three months."
Zlatan Ibrahimovic refuses to set a target after his sensational start to life at Manchester United
"I am deeply saddened and shocked to hear about Graham's passing. He was like a brother to me. We went on an incredible journey together. He took my beloved Watford from the depths of the lower leagues to uncharted territory and into Europe. We have become a leading English club because of his managerial wisdom and genius. This is a sad and dark day for Watford. The club and the town. We will cherish Graham and drown our sorrows in the many brilliant memories he gave us. I love you Graham. I will miss you very much."
Lifelong Watford supporter Sir Elton John reacts to Graham Taylor's passing
"I came here because I have targets, it's a big challenge for me. I could have also gone to Real Madrid or Barcelona, they were interested. I chose to return because I had that in my heart. It was my feeling that brought me here. I want to win with Manchester United, I've never won with them. I had always said that I would return -- I didn't know when -- because it's a club that I like a lot. I hadn't finished, I left because I wanted to play. I hadn't done what I had wanted to do here. I want United to become the great United again. That's my challenge here."
Paul Pogba outlines why he opted to return to Manchester United
"Actually, they were teasing me, saying that the Mkhitaryan one was better! It's crazy that two similar goals were scored in one week. I don't know if I got inspired, it's destiny. He did very well as well, but I think mine is better! But to be serious, it was funny in the dressing room, we were all surprised by what happened."
Olivier Giroud tells Soccer AM why his 'scorpion goal' is better than Henrikh Mkhitaryan's
"Four years ago, I could not afford to watch this match on the television. Now people in the game centre back home were watching me score this goal. Maybe the kids who could not afford the 50 naira were waiting outside, kicking a ball or a balloon around. Maybe somebody came outside after the match was over and told them "Manchester City won. Kelechi scored."
Writing in the Players' Tribune, Kelechi Iheanacho explains how his Manchester derby winning goal was received in his native Nigeria
"When Wayne Rooney joined the club I could never imagine anybody could beat Sir Bobby's record. So his achievement is outstanding. It's amazing. He's 200-odd games short of Bobby's playing record and that makes it even more amazing. I don't think anyone can [overtake Rooney]."
Sir Alex Ferguson leads the plaudits for Wayne Rooney after he breaks Sir Bobby Charlton's Manchester United scoring record
"I would be lying to say that I'm not disappointed to have lost the record. However, I can honestly say that I'm delighted for Wayne. He deserves his place in the history books. He is a true great for club and country, and it is fitting that he is now the highest goalscorer for both United and England."
Sir Bobby Charlton reflects on Rooney breaking his Manchester United goalscoring record
"We used the analogy beforehand that if beating them was like getting to the moon, doing so after going behind would be like getting to Pluto."
Lincoln City boss Danny Cowley reacts to The Imps' FA Cup fourth-round victory over Sky Bet Championship pacesetters Brighton
"After 21 incredible years, I have decided that now is the right time to finish my career as a professional footballer. Whilst I have received a number of exciting offers to continue playing at home and abroad, at 38 I feel now is the time to begin the next chapter in my life."
Chelsea and England great Frank Lampard announces his retirement from football
"I have loved being a footballer. Up until now, the ball was my whole life. I'm going to give myself, body and soul to my career as a DJ, a producer, and as a pundit, as well as develop my line of clothing."
Djibril Cisse sheds light on his post-football career plans
"I can continue with my leadership style, giving my best every day, in every training, until the end of the season. I can keep doing it this season, but not beyond."
Germany and Bayern Munich icon Philipp Lahm announces his retirement from football
"He offered his best wishes for me and my partner this week, which was an unbelievable touch. He is someone I have a massive amount of respect for. For me, he is the best manager in the world. I don't think there's anybody close to him and what he has achieved. For him to offer that to me, I respected it and accepted it with a smile on my face."
Harry Arter reveals details of his conversation with Man City boss Pep Guardiola following the death of his baby daughter
"Yesterday my dream died. After the euphoria of last season and being crowned Premier League champions all I dreamt of was staying with Leicester City, the club I love, for always. Sadly this was not to be."
Claudio Ranieri reacts to his sacking as Leicester City manager, less than a year after he guided the Foxes to the Premier League title
"I shed a tear last night. I shed a tear for Claudio. I shed a tear for football, and I shed a tear for my club. It's inexplicable to me, and I think it's inexplicable to a lot of football fans who love the game, but I suppose in some ways you can explain it in terms of a panic decision, and for me a wrong decision and it's very sad."
Former Leicester striker Gary Lineker slams the decision to relieve Ranieri of his duties
"He deserves the Leicester stadium to be named 'Claudio Ranieri Stadium'. The most beautiful thing in the Premier League and one of most beautiful in football history."
Jose Mourinho voices his support for Ranieri following his sacking at Leicester
"I've been watching football for a very, very long time and I don't think I've ever seen a game of football where two teams should come off the pitch and hang their heads in shame."
Jamie Carragher after Leicester beat Liverpool 3-1, ending a run of five successive defeats which culminated in the sacking of Claudio Ranieri
"You will soon know."
On March 18, Arsene Wenger offers an update of sorts on his contract situation at Arsenal
"I'm not a clown, I'm not always laughing like crazy. I'm a normal person. My job is to make the players feel there's a big chance to win it. I was a real mentality player, my strength was pushing team-mates. You try everything in the game - have influence from the sideline."
Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp speaks at a news conference ahead of Arsenal's trip to Anfield
"The way we played, the defensive system we used, didn't please me. You could say I was bored."
Marseille winger Dimitri Payet tells L'Equipe why he was frustrated at West Ham
"One on the left and one on the right. I think I'm playing with twins. He is a fantastic player, he helps the team a lot and we are happy to have him on the team."
Eden Hazard sings N'Golo Kante's praises as his performances propel Chelsea towards the title in his first season at the club
Xabi Alonso announces his retirement from football
"I feel like Benjamin Button. I was born old and I will die young."
Zlatan Ibrahimovic speaks with Sky Sports after scoring in his side's 3-0 win over Sunderland
Arsenal legend Tony Adams outlines his role following his surprise appointment at La Liga strugglers Granada
"The best song? Don't laugh. But I like Whitney Houston."
Celtic defender Kolo Toure divulges his love for the late singer while misunderstanding a journalist's question in a news conference, asking him his favourite fan chant throughout his career
"He had a good performance but it was his body with my brain. He was in front of me and I was making every decision for him."
More Jose, of course. Mourinho criticised Luke Shaw's understanding of the game after the left-back's second-half cameo in a 1-1 draw with Everton in April. After some back and forth, Shaw redeemed himself, and was a matchday starter before injury against Swansea ruled him out for the season
"I face questions about my future all the time but tonight I'm not in the mood to speak about it. It would be 'inconvenient' for me to speak about my own future tonight."
An under-fire Arsene Wenger attempts to divert questions about his future after Arsenal are beaten 3-0 by Crystal Palace at Selhurst Park
"Sorry I am late, but Tony Pulis is Tony Pulis and red wine is red wine!"
Guardiola explains why he was late for his press conference after Man City beat West Brom 3-1 in their final home game of the season
Former Premier League striker Andy Johnson issues a call to arms following Aaron Lennon's health problems
"Before I went to Juventus, I made a final promise to the board at Barcelona. I said: 'You're going to miss me.' I didn't mean as a player. Barca have plenty of incredible players. What I meant was they were going to miss my spirit. They were going to miss the care I had for the dressing room. They were going to miss the blood I spilled every time I put on the shirt."
Ahead of the Champions League final in Cardiff, Juventus right-back Dani Alves revealed to The Players' Tribune what he said to Barcelona officials before he moved to Turin
"This club doesn't have the same ambitions, the same mentality as the previous clubs I've been at."
Sacked Watford boss Walter Mazzarri offers a barbed evaluation of the club ahead of his final match in charge
"I love this club and I am looking forward to the future with optimism and excitement. We're committed to mounting a sustained league challenge."
Arsene Wenger finally signs a new two-year deal at Arsenal and targets the Premier League title
"As a player you always wonder when this day will finally come. Today is that day. I've just melted. The club means everything to me. Thank you will never be enough to (the fans). They have supported me through thick and thin. They have sung my name through the good times and bad and have driven me on."
John Terry pays an emotional tribute to Chelsea fans after making his final Stamford Bridge appearance
"Again, at some point of course, we will have to transition to the era beyond Arsene and that is not a sentimental connection that we have, that is a connection that is driven by what is best for the football club."
Arsenal CEO Ivan Gazidis fails to offer much clarity on the club's long-term managerial plans
England kit-man Pat Frost is touched by a handwritten letter of thanks from goalkeeper Freddie Woodman following the U20s' stunning World Cup win
"I like to imitate [Antonio Conte] a bit sometimes in Italian, because he has key words that he wants to use. For example, when he says switch the play or change sides to the other side, those things. But he says it in a bit of an Italian way, so I like always to imitate him a bit. After we won the league, all the players said: 'Thibaut go to the microphone on the bus' and I did him a bit. We could see him and he was laughing and it was funny."
Thibaut Courtois has some fun with Antonio Conte following Chelsea's title win
"It feels great [to be back]. To be honest, I've kept it quiet for the last 13 years, but I've actually been wearing Everton pyjamas at home with my kids. I had to keep that a bit quiet!"
Wayne Rooney reveals a secret after completing his return to boyhood club Everton
Gerard Pique posts a confident prediction that Neymar will be sticking around at Barcelona
"My first Sunday League team manager was a man called Dennis Schofield, who was a milkman. He was on the way home from his milk round, stopped off, seen me playing football for my primary school, watched me play, approached my mum, and said 'I understand you're the mum of Ryan, does he play for a team?'"
Ryan Giggs takes a trip down memory lane
"It was an enormous pleasure to have shared these years with you Neymar, friend. I wish you a lot of luck in the next stage of your life. See you. Love you a lot."
Lionel Messi posts a farewell message to Neymar on his Instagram page
"I had the honour of playing with the best athlete I have ever seen in my life and I'm sure that I will never see another one like him while I'm alive - Leo Messi."
Neymar responds to his former Barcelona team-mate after sealing a world-record move to PSG worth around £200m
Patrick Stewart revels in Huddersfield Town's top-flight return
"You can't live in Liverpool for the rest of your life."
Paul Merson has some advice for Ross Barkley after the Everton midfielder turned down a deadline-day move to Chelsea
"Unfortunately no one speaks about the performance of Rob Holding. You should be happy, he is English and 20 years old. I am sorry he didn't cost £55m, so he can't be good."
Arsene Wenger on Rob Holding's strong finish to the season
"You can say to me I'm wealthy, in theory I'm a billionaire or a multi-billionaire, but in reality my wealth is in Sports Direct shares, which are the same as wallpaper. I don't have that cash in the bank, so I don't have that ability to write a cheque for £200m."
Mike Ashley opens up about his time in the hot-seat at Newcastle
"I am not saying buy 10 players, I'd love to see two or three - and not players you have to Google and say, 'Who's that?' I mean well-known players."
Danny Rose makes his opinions known on Tottenham's summer transfer activity
"I'm not going to write off the last seven years as a failure because Alan Shearer thinks I didn't take enough time."
Crystal Palace chairman Steve Parish rejects criticism from the former England captain after the club sack manager Frank de Boer just 77 days into the job
"Tell the coach driver to do his job and check if there's traffic."
Sheffield United boss Chris Wilder bemoans Norwich City's failure to submit their team sheet on time
"For me, as coach, it is important to see who I can rely on in moments like these, who is prepared to defend himself against what is going on on the pitch. To encounter such an atmosphere was too much for some."
RB Leipzig manager Ralph Hasenhüttl after striker Timo Werner asked to be substituted due to the noise in a Champions League game at Besiktas
"I had hoped the cat would be worse than me. But no, the cat was fine. It lived for many more years."
Ex-Hull boss Leonid Slutsky opens up about the welfare of the cat he fell from a tree attempting to rescue, resulting in a career-ending knee injury
"They won't win 8-0, what a stupid question that is."
Netherlands boss Dick Advocaat ahead of World Cup qualification rivals Sweden's crunch match against Luxembourg. Sweden went on to win 8-0, effectively eliminating the Dutch
"We just had a little discussion. A minute later, that's forgotten. I have those discussions sometimes with my wife too. You too, I suppose. Sometimes it's needed."
Kevin de Bruyne on his caught-on-camera spat with David Silva at half time during Man City's Champions League victory against Napoli
"I told you, lions don't recover like humans. That I have now proved, rather than just saying it. I am just thankful I am able to run, do my things, do a little bit of 'abracadabra' magic - things that a lion does!"
Zlatan Ibrahimovic on the remarkable speed of his return from injury
"You sacrifice, you work hard, harder, you give more than what's expected, and often more than you can, because you love what you do and clearly more than you should and what do you get back? Literally, nothing."
Chelsea youngster Charly Musonda exhibits his frustration at the lack of first-team opportunities at Chelsea under Antonio Conte
"What I do know is that genetically we are behind. In the last campaign we were the second smallest squad behind Spain. Genetically we have to work at things. It is a problem for us."
Scotland boss Gordon Strachan puts an unusual spin on his side's struggles
"I think you are almost deemed as second class because it is your country."
Sam Allardyce on the perceived lack of Premier League opportunities for English managers
"It is an intolerable football shame, an indelible stain."
Italian newspaper Corriere dello Sport responds to Italy's failure to qualify for the World Cup for the first time since 1958
"He is almost a victim of his own success."
Goalkeeper Ben Foster after West Brom sack Tony Pulis with the club fourth from bottom and winless in ten games
"I was telling Redmond how good he is. Southampton have some super-talented players and last season Redmond scored a superb one-on-one against us, he destroyed us, but here Southampton did not want to play. They were time wasting from the ninth minute. I just wanted them to play."
Pep Guardiola on his bizarre confrontation with Southampton's Nathan Redmond after City's 2-1 win against Saints at the Etihad
"Sevilla FC wants to show their maximum support to their coach at this time and wishes him a speedy recovery."
Sevilla issue a statement offering their support to manager Argentine Berizzo after he is diagnosed with prostate cancer on November 22nd. Then...
"The Board of Directors has taken the decision to dismiss the coach of the first team, Eduardo Berizzo, due to the team's bad run."
The club announce the sacking of Berizzo one month later, just days after he returned to work following surgery
"Half our fans have gone home so I'd like to say to them: you should have stayed. Our boys need you. Why didn't you stay? Everyone who did, fantastic, well done. Don't go home early, if you don't mind - stay there."
QPR boss Ian Holloway slams supporters who left before the final whistle and missed a stoppage-time fightback against Brentford. He later apologised but urged fans to "fight" along with him and his team
Jurgen Klopp v Sky Sports interviewer Patrick Davison following Liverpool's 1-1 draw with Everton at Anfield
"We are in the second year of trying to rebuild a football team that is not one of the best teams in the world. Manchester City buy full-backs for the price of strikers."
Jose Mourinho reacts to a perceived disparity in resources available to his side compared with their cross-town neighbours
"Some players have childish decisions and time helps them to have maturity and to decide better. But some other players stay with childish decisions until the end of their career."
And the Manchester United manager has some choice words for his players after watching them throw away a 2-1 lead in stoppage time against Leicester
"I'm very proud, I'm super proud, I'm the proudest man in Proudsville."
Burnley manager Sean Dyche after seeing his side move up to fourth place in the Premier League with a 1-0 win over Stoke
"I think today, (number) one striker in the world, specific position, who's better than him? He deserves everything. It's been nine years between [Cristiano] Ronaldo and [Lionel] Messi, and now Kane's name is there. It's a fantastic achievement and I'm so happy for him."
Mauricio Pochettino lauds praise on Harry Kane after the striker broke Alan Shearer's long-standing record of Premier League goals scored in a calendar year
"It's a lot of money! When I first heard it I thought 'wow, £75m'. I'm not surprised by the actual transfer but that is an incredible amount of money."
Gary Neville reacts to Virgil Van Dijk's transfer from Southampton to Liverpool for £75m - a world record for a defender
"I think I'm capable of doing the job at any club in the world so I'm sure I can do it at West Ham."
David Moyes in confident mood following an upswing in results for his West Ham side
"I don't know what you mean...what do you want us to do? We played five at the back - do you want me to play seven along the back, one midfielder, one goalkeeper and a striker?"
Celtic manager Brendan Rodgers forgets how many players there are in a football team following his team's 7-1 drubbing against PSG in Paris
"It hurts. A stabbing would have been better than this goal."
AC Milan manager Gennaro Gattuso feels the pain after bottom-side Benevento's last-minute equaliser against his struggling side
"We can't find an ex-City player that's won anything! Noel won GQ haircut of the year once so he's the best we can get!"
Gary Neville on Noel Gallagher's presence during Sky Sports' coverage of the Manchester derby
