Nick Miller fails to see the funny side of Ian Holloway taking Blackpool to the Premier League.
While most of the football world were smiling at Blackpool's unlikely rise to the Premier League on Saturday, Nick Miller's gag reflex went into overdrive. Here's why...
Blackpool! Aren't they brilliant? With their funny orange kit and their quaint old ground with three sides, and Jimmy Armfield. Won't it be a great away trip next season? Bless 'em. Everyone wanted them to win on Saturday, right? Do you know anyone who desperately wanted them to fail?
Nick Miller, nice to meet you.
Full disclosure first - Blackpool gave my beloved glorious, brave and worthy Nottingham Forest a thorough schooling for at least 120 of the 180 minutes of the semi-finals, and on the basis of the three play-off games, they absolutely deserved their victory.
But that doesn't necessarily mean they deserve a place in the Premier League. For gaining promotion is the easy part - it's what you do with the riches that count, and in no way are Blackpool an elite club.
A team does not prove it deserves a place in the top flight by simply getting there - they must prove they are worthy by convincingly competing next season.
Blackpool will, if you'll excuse the vernacular, be thoroughly boned most weeks next season when presented with even the most average top-flight teams.
Their style of play is certainly attractive, but 'small' teams survive in the top flight with some backbone, strength and a little necessary nastiness. See Stoke and Wolves for evidence.
Whether Cardiff, with their unpleasant fans and financial...ahem, 'issues', deserve a spot in the elite is up for debate, but based on footballing achievements, with Dave Jones gradually building a terrific and competitive side despite having to sell any half-decent youngster, they are unquestionably more worthy.
And Blackpool don't even need to try and survive this season. They are guaranteed £48million in 'parachute payments' alone, so they can use this season as a cash-gathering exercise before having another go when they are most suitably prepared. Fine for them, but it will water down an already-pretty-diluted Premier League next season.
As I type an understandably giddy Blackpool fan on
Sky Sports News has declared Ian Holloway to be 'the best manager in the world', which is clearly the orange-tinted burblings of a loon when presented with a microphone.
However, the idea that Holloway is a genius miracle-worker is at best reactionary, at worst revisionist crap. Holloway is a perfectly decent Championship manager who has had good seasons (like this one) and bad ones, such as when he took Leicester from 17th in the Championship to relegation in six short months.
Of course, most of the press love 'Ollie', because he says wacky things and will provide decent copy after a damp 0-0 draw at Sunderland. His verbal diarrhea before and over the weekend was sickening, and one would have been forgiven for not realising that there was another team at Wembley on Saturday.
The play-offs of course are hugely exciting, but their major flaw is that they can easily reward a season of solid mediocrity (and there is a lot of that in the Championship) along with a well-timed run of form. Blackpool spent 39 of the 46 rounds of league matches out of the top six, and were never higher than fifth.
Does that suggest a team ready for the Premier League?
Blackpool are nowhere near ready enough, just as Burnley weren't this season. Forest aren't either, so don't think this is a jealous rant of the boy that didn't get the girl.
Finishing sixth in the Championship with a team that was widely tipped for relegation is certainly an impressive achievement, but as heads clear on the coast this morning, their most realistic ambition will be to beat the 11 points posted by Derby a few seasons back.
Sure, they might have a lovely time next season visiting grounds that hold more than 10,000, but there is a chance this promotion could do more harm than good.
