Quotes of the year

Who's been saying what in a sporting year of verbal sparring as our top sports stars shoot from the lip.

Who's been saying what in a sporting year of verbal sparring?

It never ceases to amaze us at QOTW towers that every seven days our top sportsmen and women cough up enough suitable soundbites to fill a column. We can always rely on regulars Ian Holloway, Harry Redknapp and Joey Barton to throw us a bone, but every now and again a nugget escapes from the media-trained/manacled mouths of the previously unblemished. So then, without any further ado, we bring you the best quotes from 2010. Enjoy... "My son is six or seven years old and I'd love to take him to Wembley to watch Liverpool." Jamie Carragher. At least he's confident of the sex. "I am more than happy and I am afraid the chairman will need a hell of a tub of cream to get rid of me - I'm like a bad rash and not easily curable." Ian Holloway, as only he can, rejects talk of leaving Blackpool for Burnley. "Most footballers are k***s." Joey Barton paints his kettle black, in his glass house, before throwing a few more stones. "I can say this with my hand on my heart - the V signs were not meant for the Tartan Army or for all of Scotland. It was just a stupid, childish reaction to the situation we were in. If I had felt that way about the fans I would have walked out into the centre circle and stuck two fingers up there." Allan McGregor backs up Barton's claim. "You grow up in an environment where, as long as you're a good player, you're told that you're the best all the time. But whether you're the best footballer in the world or the best golfer or the best cricketer, you're a human being. You might be good at that [sport] but you might be crap at life." Barton again. Well if 'crap' equates to pushing a cigar into the eye of a former Manchester City team-mate, assaulting Ousmane Dabo, slapping a fan and doing bird for attacking a 16-year-old then I guess he's got a point. "I'm not suited to Bolton or Blackburn, I would be more suited to Inter or Real Madrid." So that's why Sam Allardyce has left Blackburn. "These chaps knew what they were getting. They must have realised there is a wage bill and the tax bill to meet every month. There are no surprises." Alexandre Gaydamak rejects claims he left a floater at Fratton Park. "People want money, people want goals, they want me to stay, but I'm missing my home. The smile on my face, disguises the case, I bury the truth deep down in my soul." Darius Vassell goes all Morrissey as his Turkish sojourn at Ankaragucu sours somewhat. "The cold London air reminds me to wear my scarf as I travel back to Turkey. As I tie my yellow and blue Ankaragucu scarf around my neck I realise it's too tight a fit, and contemplate whether this is a metaphor or am I just being too cynical." Let's just hope the Samaritans has a Turkish branch. "I am going to get drunk tonight because I have not had a good drink all week." Dave Chisnall dispels the unjust stereotype so often attributed to darts players. Kevin Keegan on Micah Richards: "I had him when he was 16. He was a man then, I don't know what he is now. Probably just a bigger man." "It is no good at all. Emotionally it is very difficult, but it is part of life," Emmanuel Adebayor reflects on tragic events in Angola that cost three of the Togo party their lives. "This was one of the bad moments in my life. To be honest emotionally, it is very difficult to explain, very difficult to talk about." "I am appalled. This throws a question mark against next summer's World Cup. You simply cannot put the safety of players, officials and fans at the slightest risk. That is totally unacceptable." Phil Brown misses the point that Cabinda, where the attack took place, is approximately 1,000 miles away from Johannesburg. "For the second goal I ran to the touchline and cupped my ears and looked up to the part of the ground where the United directors were sitting, and also to Ferguson in the dugout, because I wanted them to know this was my response to them saying I was not worth the money." That lovable rogue Carlos Tevez. "I prefer it that people are now talking about me as a player rather than about my hair." Screech lookalike and Afro enthusiast Marouane Fellaini is glad we've all stopped talking about his barnet. "It's not ideal. I'd like to have the finger but a lot worse things happen to you. I was playing table tennis with the boys afterwards." Rugby league coach Terry Matterson proves that egg-chasing really is a man's game after losing a finger. "Jamie Carragher would be my tip. If they could ever persuade him to take part, he'd be a great dancer. He's a big lad, but his footwork is superb, and when you watch him play, he's always very controlled in his movements." One-time Strictly Come Dancing winner Chris Hollins on his tip for the next series. "West Ham took a player from Arsenal who was on £30,000 a week and paid him £80,000. That wasn't good business or necessary. It was a crazy way that wages were paid out by the Icelanders, who brought the club to its knees. You pay good wages not crazy wages." David Sullivan ponders whether Freddie Ljungberg was 50k better in east London than north."The reason I don't like smiling is because I'm not confident." Ronnie O'Sullivan draws a smile from the snooker press pack. "They have 12 minutes to play the frame, a 20-second shot clock, ball in hand from fouls and no time to fart." Barry Hearn's bid to sex-up snooker includes a ban on toilet breaks. "My celebration was directed at Gary Neville. He acted like a complete boot-licker when he said I wasn't worth £25m, just to suck up to the manager." Tevez reopens his war of words with Gary Neville. "Mancini looks good but then, all Italians are cool. He's certainly cooler than that Taggart from across the road - he's a top manager and all that but he looks like a dustbin-man." Liam Gallagher gives Roberto Mancini a sartorial thumbs-up. "They called me 'Judas' tonight, 'God' last year, if they are going to get biblical I think it should be 'Moses' because as their manager I was probably the one that led them from the wilderness." Reverend Owen Coyle rejects his 'Judas' moniker. "I didn't mean to injure the lad. It was bad luck to hit him on the nose because he's only 1.70m and if he had been taller I would have struck his chest." Cristiano Ronaldo is full of contrition after breaking Patrick Mtiliga's nose with a flailing arm. "I don't drink really. I don't drink so much because, you see, I'm skinny. I mix only. Sometimes I drink clear vodka, sometimes mixed with Red Bull. Little bit get power in night club or disco. Because if I drink only vodka I go sleep straight." Me thinks Nikolay Davydenko doth protests too much about his drinking habits. "We have to get this monkey off our back - it's grown from a chimp, to an orangutan to a mountain gorilla - but we must make sure it does not make us play with fear." Clarke Carlisle takes his monkey analogy to the nth degree. "I would not dignify you with my spit. You're garbage." Fifa vice-president Jack Warner turns on the charm in greeting BBC Panorama reporter Andrew Jennings. "Although it's corrupt, it's only corrupt if you get caught." Tonga's suspended delegate Ahongalu Fusimalohi offers an interesting take on the situation. "Grant Holt was unplayable and Chris Martin did well for the last two goals, he was like Lionel Messi." Norwich boss Paul Lambert enjoys a good old drink after the derby victory against Ipswich. "It doesn't help to stare and scream at me. I got tired the more of it I heard. Owen Coyle is a great coach, who I really enjoy working with. As soon as he came to the club I started to play well, even though the goals didn't come right away." Johan Elmander prefers Owen Coyle's management style to that of the Ginger Mourinho, aka Gary Megson. "It's not that we do nothing - but it's close to that. There is a clipboard in our dressing room, but Harry doesn't write anything on it!" Rafael van der Vaart explains the secret behind 'Arry's success at Spurs. "I thought Nasri might be captain for them. So they would have to shake hands and then we could get them in a room before the game and William could bash him up or something." Redknapp on why he made William Gallas captain against Arsenal. "Nowadays you have a game Saturday, Tuesday, Saturday, Tuesday. There's no room in that time frame to go out on the lash and get smashed, the way you used to." Rio Ferdinand reins in his debauchery. "You are talking out of your hat. I would like to say out of your ass, but that's a donkey and I don't like having a go at donkeys. If some bright spark from the Premier League, or Barclays Premier League as we're supposed to call it, wants to come down and have a chat and a cup of coffee...you'll probably get it chucked in your lap." Holloway on accusations he fielded an under-strength side against Aston Villa. "He's been a salesman for the past two weeks. He never fooled me. Let's be honest about this, totally honest. Because that's what we need. On a lot of these TV shows we don't tell the truth." Barry McGuigan on the world's first pacifist boxer Audley Harrison. "I'm sorry I was unable to walk through the door and fulfil my destiny but my journey has been one of triumph and my "Yes I Can" slogan goes onwards and upwards." We can only presume Harrison was still concussed when he made this statement. "Gareth Bale literally has three lungs." Jamie Redknapp. "I've got to play him, really, because I met him out shopping with his mum the other day. She was quite a big girl so I've got to play him. I wasn't going to mess with her, believe you me." Mrs Palacios ensures son Wilson is given a rare start by Spurs boss Redknapp. "Have you seen the last six World Cups? It is better going to the dentist I suppose." Sir Alex Ferguson compares football's premier competition to root canal surgery. "I started smoking when I was playing. I was 25, and at the time injured. I'd never smoked in my life but I tried a cigarette one day and I've been a smoker ever since. I do like it, to relax. After dinner. When I'm watching a movie." Carlo Ancelotti admits to smoking behind the Shed End. "Fabregas has apologised and Wardy has accepted it like a man. It's like a throw-back to the days when you've broken someone's nose and you buy them a pint at the bar." Mick McCarthy gets nostalgic for a time when men were real men. "I need to get well to take on the role. This is my last chance at getting my life sorted and having a career as an actor. It was a favourite film of mine." Paul Gascoigne sets his heart on winning a part in the remake of Escape to Victory. "Cheryl is my dream woman. With all she's been through I think what she really needs is to return to her roots and get herself a good down-to-earth Geordie boyfriend. If I can get her out on a dinner date I'm sure I could convince her I'm the one for her." Andy Carroll. Would he take her back to the Nolans'? "My wife has been in Liverpool this week." Kevin Nolan explains his family's secret to surviving life with Andy Carroll. "I can cry like Roger, it's just a shame I can't play like him." British number one Andy Murray after losing to Roger Federer in the final of the Australian Open. "It was really an honour to play the greatest match ever at the greatest place for tennis." Nicolas Mahut is gracious in defeat after losing 70-68 in the fifth set to John Isner in Wimbledon's longest-ever match, 11 hours and five minutes. "I thought I would either stay with Portsmouth, move to a Premier League club or go to Scotland. In between thinking about all that, there was my wedding to Amanda to organise. Somehow it all converged at a single point, the morning after my stag do. I received a phone call from an unknown number. I don't usually answer those, but I was still drunk and so I picked it up. Much to my astonishment the man on the other end was Steve Coppell." David James reveals the real reason why he joined Bristol City. "We have a saying in Spanish, which is: 'White liquid in a bottle has to be milk'. The Americans, they chose a new managing director and everything changed. So, if you want to ask again what was going on, it's simple: they changed something and, at the end, they changed everything. So, white liquid in a bottle: milk. You will know who is to blame." Rafa Benitez acting strangely in Italy. FACT. Just to prove our point: "Roy Hodgson is a priest on a mountain of sugar." "I've got nothing against foreign managers, they are very nice people. Apart from Arsene Wenger." Tony Pulis. "That emperor has got no clothes on, by the way, he is absolutely buck naked. That isn't a smart suit, you're naked, pal." Holloway calls for a rethink on the use (or rather lack of it) of video technology in football. "I just pictured my dad on that finish line as I was running in and it gave me a second wind." Commonwealth Games heptathlon champion Louise Hazel dedicates her gold medal to her father, who died two years ago. "He needs to see a mental doctor." Sparta Rotterdam coach Jan Everse is not a fan of Nigel de Jong. "If you can't pass the ball, it makes no difference what you eat. If they feed you spaghetti it does not make you a good footballer. I have seen players eat all sorts. I am old school. I have seen players who run around for 90minutes and they eat steak and kidney pie, chips, peas, whatever, two and a half hours before kick-off." Redknapp senior is not interested in eating any of that foreign muck. "It's clear to me that people cook up some unbelievable stuff for breakfast over here. But as for eating baked beans at breakfast time - they can trigger off a violent reaction in anybody who is not used to them." West Ham's Herita Ilunga is still getting to grips with British cuisine. "They said they had seen the gate was open, and went in without knowing that you need special permission to visit a jail. They added they were specially curious at the fact it was a women's prison." Brescia jail officer Calogero Lo Presti recounts the peculiar recent behaviour of Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli. "This is one of the finest moments of my golf car... No, hang on. This is the greatest moment of my golfing career." Colin Montgomerie's ad-lib in an emotional speech at the closing ceremony at Celtic Manor goes down a storm. "The US Open felt like the back 9 with my Dad back home in Portrush in comparison. That was nervous today, nervous." Graeme McDowell writes his name into the Ryder Cup annals after holding his nerve at the last. "Harry Redknapp has introduced something in the transfer market I call 'Harry's Law'. It goes: 'Do what I like, when I like, with whom I like'." West Ham vice-chairman Karren Brady on Redknapp's pursuit of Scott Parker. "I get 'fat head' at Liverpool, 'Elephant Man' at Manchester City and 'Mr Potato Head' at West Brom. Is there something wrong with my head or something?" Paranoia kicks in for Steve Bruce. " "We absolutely battered them." Sheffield United striker Ched Evans after his side's 4-0 defeat at home to Scunthorpe. "He [Lehmann] belongs in the Muppet Show, on the couch or in a mental institution." Tim Wiese gives his love to Jens Lehmann. "We are deeply concerned that our integrity as cricketers has been brought into question. We refute these allegations completely and will explore all legal options open to us. Under the circumstances we have strong misgivings about continuing to play the last two games of the current series. We urge the Pakistan team to distance themselves from Mr Butt's allegations." England captain Andrew Strauss denies claims his side 'threw' the one-day international at The Oval. "It's been heartbreaking having my piano in storage. There's nothing for me to do. I really miss it. It helps me perform better when I'm relaxed at home. You need something to take your mind off rugby." Joe Worsley, the Wasps flanker. Who said Rugby Union is a middle class pursuit? "You have to be so careful to stay on the pitch because it doesn't take much to get sent off these days. You are treading on egg shells if you are on a yellow card." Sunderland's Lee Cattermole on the morning of his red card against former club Wigan for two bookings. "Ferguson's not very likeable, and I dislike Wenger immensely, but you have to admire what they've done." Leeds chairman Ken Bates sits on the fence as ever. And on Tony Blair: "Free tickets? They cost the fans who can't afford holidays. When Tony Blair and his wife were guests of honour at Wembley, we got a request for five free tickets! I told them to f*** off. " "I was riding round Darley Hall stud and I thought this particular horse looked familiar. So I went over, said 'Hello', gave him a pat. I hadn't seen him for three years. Did he recognise me? You must be joking. He's got other things on his mind - like plenty of sex." Frankie Dettori offers too much information after bumping into Authorized, his 2007 Derby winner. "I can bring you the news that Wayne Rooney has scored - this time it was on the pitch, in the opposition's goal and actually playing for his country." David Cameron offers Rooney a surprise shoulder to cry on. "You create the god and you create the monster. I live the same when you write well of me as I do when you write badly of me." Fabio Capello tires of having donkey ears superimposed on his head. "Yep. Done for rest of summer!! Man of the World Cup T20 and dropped from the T20 side too. It's a f*** up!!" Kevin Pietersen tweets on his England axing. Talking of Twitter, Aussie swimmer Stephanie Rice made the news for all the wrong reasons after an ill-advised assessment of South Africa's rugby union national side. After the Aussies beat the Springboks she tweeted: 'Suck on that f***ots.' She's since broken down in tears (after losing her sponsorship deal with Jaguar). "It is not the Yorkshire Ripper I am signing, is it? He is a footballer." Redknapp wonders just what he's got himself into after signing William Gallas. "Look, Darth Vader could come to Spurs. I don't care." Benoit Assou-Ekotto welcomes his new team-mate into the dressing room with open arms. "Even the young lads (at Villa) are so polite. At City they're not like that. They're coming in with £10,000 watches on their wrists and walking around as if they have played 200 Premier League games. I can really see myself having a good time here." Stephen Ireland, who once spent £260,000 on a white Bentley for his girlfriend, just can't stand flashy footballers. That move worked out pretty well... "I might be in a bit of a Skoda garage rather than a Mercedes garage, but I am telling you some old bangers don't half polish up great." Holloway demonstrates his unique man-management style by comparing his players to a load of old Skodas. "These people are clowns. I am dying with laughter." Nicolas Anelka's sides are splitting after he's meted out with an 18-game suspension by the French Football Federation for his part in the World Cup fiasco. "Joe Cole has gone to a smallish club somewhere north of the M25. There are some new faces at the club. We welcome Yossi Benayoun who arrives from that 'smallish club north of the M25'." Saucer of milk for Chelsea chairman Bruce Buck anyone? "Alex Higgins was one of the real inspirations behind me getting into snooker in the first place. He is a legend and should be remembered as the finest ever snooker player." Ronnie O'Sullivan concedes his admiration for a kindred spirit upon Alex Higgins' passing. "Football fans don't care. The players don't care. Saddam Hussein could own your football club. If he's putting millions into it they'd be quite happy. They'd be singing 'There's only one Saddam'." Harry Redknapp. He's probably had worse chairmen. "I've been asked to manage the England team on a couple of occasions, but it's just out of the question. It's a poisoned chalice anyway, a terrible job. Plus, I have a tremendous handicap in that I'm Scottish." Sir Alex Ferguson is unlikely to take the England job any time soon. "I love the guy. As a player he is the best thing that has happened to tennis. I have so much respect for him." Andy Murray suffers a severe bout of man-love after losing to Rafael Nadal in the semi-final at Wimbledon. "We've been texting each other. I've got a decent relationship with Steven and he's been sending me his holiday pictures." Everton defender Leighton Baines on his close relationship with team-mate Steven Pienaar. "It was a 24-7 relationship between us. He got homesick a bit because it was probably the first time he had been away from his family, whereas I'd left mine at 16. By the end, we were like a married couple!" Gareth Barry on Steven Gerrard, aka the new Lemmon and Matthau. "I am over 37 and I'm not getting any younger. You can't play cricket for ever and ever." Muttiah Muralitharan decides to call time on the most decorated of Test careers. "If he could pass a nightclub as well as he can pass a ball, he would be all right." It's that man Harry again. This time on midfield party boy Giovani Dos Santos. "Landis' credibility is like a carton of sour milk: once you take the first sip, you don't have to drink the rest to know it has all gone bad." Lance Armstrong doesn't mince his words when asked about Floyd Landis, after his former team-mate's latest doping accusations on the eve of the Tour de France. "Many journalists should apologise to the players. I'm not suggesting you drop your trousers, but it would be honest and great so we all get along better." Diego Maradona suggests a novel way to improve relations between his players and a previously critical media. "Tonight he's not had a kick, apart from two headers." Robbie Savage further demonstrates why he's a pundit to be reckoned with. "Cheryl Cole is separating from her husband Ashley Cole." SSN breaks the news of the biggest break-up since Dirty Den left Angie. Yellow ticker and everything. "Cruciate ligament injuries are a pain in the backside." Ray Wilkins on Joe Cole's knee injury. "They wanted to swap Bentley for Honda but the chairman wasn't having it." Redknapp does his best Tommy Cooper impersonation after being asked about Japan hot-shot Keisuke Honda. "The physical situation of players was not like the players we know. I think not only Wayne Rooney but all our players were really tired at this competition." Fabio Capello defends his side's dire performance in South Africa on the grounds of fatigue. "Goals are like ketchup - when it comes out (of the bottle) it all comes out at once." Cristiano Ronaldo uses a strange but curiously accurate analogy to explain away his international goal drought. "He was rude, ungentlemanly, disrespectful and to be frank, a total a***hole." Morecambe boss Sammy McIlroy shoots from the lip when describing guest of honour and RMT boss Bob Crow. "It's only a job. Yes, it's a good, good job and I don't say that I hate football but it's not my passion. With Harry, it's cool. We don't speak a lot and he doesn't care if I smile or if I know who the next team we play is. If I do my job well, it's OK." Benoit Assou-Ekotto. No explanation needed. "I've lived here for seven years and watched it twice. It's even worse than French TV." Arsenal defender Gael Clichy discusses the merits of Eastenders. "I just sh*t in my pants." Ernests Gulbis articulates how he dealt with the closing stages of his shock victory over Roger Federer. "I remember my dad telling me a joke where a boxer sits on his stool between rounds and his trainer says: 'Come on, he isn't laying a glove on you'. The boxer replies: 'You better watch the referee then, because somebody is hitting me.'" Holloway explains Brett Ormerod's sending off against Coventry as only he can. "Please welcome snooker's finest ambassador...the ultimate king of the 90s with six world titles. Still a force to be reckoned with now, in his 50s. Ladies and gentlemen, he's a legend - Dennis Taylor!" The MC at the Snooker World Championship welcomes Steve Davis to the Crucible faithful. "I actually tried on a pair of Speedos but they turned out to be complete budgie crunchers and an absolute no-no." Come on Bumble - that's just not cricket! "I don't know why Glenn Murray took the penalty. I suppose because he is our penalty taker." Gus Poyet after Brighton striker Murray missed from 12 yards against Gillingham. "To know that I've tested positive as a result of a product that I used for personal reasons is extremely difficult to wrap my hands around." LaShawn Merritt comes over all Kenneth Williams after conceding he used an over-the-counter male enhancement product. "I was just standing still and he came into my face." Morten Gamst Pedersen after being poked by Mikel Arteta. "I don't think there's any friction, but it's not all smiles and happiness. It's a big change, so it affects all of us. He's happy, busy doing what he's doing." Lewis Hamilton claims his old man is probably delighted, in all likelihood, about being sacked as his manager. "I know Modric's dentist. And his dentist thinks he's a super, super guy." David Pleat. Just plain odd. "To call him (Lionel Messi) PlayStation, as Mr Wenger did, is a great definition. I don't know what level he'd be at, though - three or even four." Pep Guardiola admits he's usually Barcelona on Pro Evolution. "There was no threat and the referee wasn't going to do anything about it until they surrounded him. It is typical of Germans. They are like that." Sir Alex was typically magnanimous in defeat to Bayern Munich. "It's a bit like watching your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your brand new car. There are mixed emotions.'' Bradford Bulls coach Steve McNamara does his best Les Dawson impression after watching his side surrender a lead against Leeds Rhinos. "The only thing I am sorry for is doing it in front of the ladies. It did get taken out of proportion, it was only a roll-around in the bushes. I didn't see them, then before you know it the manager's got a couple of phone calls, then it's in the press and some people think I'm Mike Tyson." Jimmy Bullard asks the press not to intrude on his private life after a brush with Nick Barmby. "When I knew I was coming to Bolton, I got in touch with (Park) Ji-sung to ask about how life is around Manchester and he gave me lots of really good advice. He told me it was going to be a really boring lifestyle here, but I love the boring life. I like living in Bolton. It's a quiet place, but it's really convenient because it means I don't need to drive very far. I go in Tesco and I have my Clubcard, so I am very happy here." Bolton's Lee Chung-yong earns a couple of additional points on his Clubcard. "When a decision didn't go our way I, as captain, went to speak to the German referee and he turned his back on me. That is just pure disrespect." John Terry becomes the voice of morality. Next week... Ashley Cole tells Vernon Kay, 'you're out of order'. "Stripping away denial and rationalisation you start coming to the truth of who you really are and that can be very ugly." Tiger Woods on his personal problems. "I know what JT's like and nothing surprises me about him so I'm not going to comment on that guy. I think everyone in football knows what the guy's like." Craig Bellamy's 'no comment' on John Terry provides TV gold for Sky Sports. "I've done stupid things before when I've had too many sherbets but nothing like this." Wales back row forward Andy Powell masters the art of understatement after being arrested for driving a golf buggy along the M4 motorway in the pursuit of a chocolate bar and a sandwich. "My name is Odd-Bjørn Hjelmeset. I skied the second lap and I f***** up today. I think I have seen too much porn in the last 14 days. I have the room next to Petter Northug and every day there is noise in there. So I think that is the reason I f**** up. By the way, Tiger Woods is a really good man." Cross-country relay silver medallist Odd-Bjørn Hjelmeset warns Norway's Olympic committee there could be some "extras" to pay on his room bill. "It's not the World Championship that's at stake, it's something even more important, my reputation." John Higgins vows to clear his name after allegations of frame-throwing.