Gary Neville would be happy with a piece of bread, while elsewhere Fergie's had another dig at Rafa.
Who's been saying what in a sporting week of verbal sparring?
"When you shoot, you can look for the spaces between the posts and the goalkeeper. But instinctively you usually aim for the corners, which means that there's a chance the ball might hit the post and I think we have hit the post more times than the crossbar. Sometimes this happens. As a striker, you can shoot from 25 yards and hit the post with a shot that is technically perfect."
Luis Suarez explains why he's scored just eight Premier League goals; he's just too perfect.
"Some of the greatest players that I've ever played with, people who everybody looks up to, we've seen do it. I dived a few times. The country's changing. Twenty years ago, a piece of bread got brought into a restaurant, you got a lump of butter with it. Now you get olives, oil and vinegar."
Gary Neville complements his punditry work with some top class food analogies.
"Kyle Walker is the least aptly named Premier League player. I've never seen him walk."
Clive Tyldesley completes his metamorphosis into Alan Partridge.
"Ashley Young's going to get himself a reputation for diving."
Ray Wilkins has clearly never seen a horse bolt.
"Mario is a billion times more handsome (than Ronaldo). I understand him. I know the things he does - he does not mean any harm." Mario Balotelli's lady friend
Raffaella Fico.
"A psychologist for me? I believe psychologists are important. Sometimes they can be very useful, but I don't need one of them. Every day there is an exaggeration about me and I would like it to stop. I want to be judged for what I do on the field."
Mario puts the fireworks back in their box.
"You always get twists and turns, it's how you react that's important. I remember a few years ago when Liverpool beat us 4-1 at Old Trafford. That genius (Rafa) Benitez said they had planned to beat us by playing long balls behind us. Remember that? Clown."
Sir Alex Ferguson really doesn't like Rafa Benitez. Fact.
"My experience is that something's always going to bite you on the bum... Hopefully we can avoid that." If we had to guess...probably Balotelli.
Ferguson again.
"As a player I was c**p. I was probably the worst player in the Dortmund side."
Paul Lambert claims he's a better manager than he was a player.
"Now I will simply concentrate on our next game at home to Crystal Place because that's in my nature. I thought we were a bit nervous tonight and we weren't as fluid as we can be." It's going to be some party at Reading as
Brian McDermott gets carried away at guiding the Royals to the Premier League.
"I am naturally very pleased to be discharged from hospital and would like to take this opportunity to pay tribute to every single member of staff at The London Chest Hospital who have played a part in my care. Their dedication, professionalism and expertise is simply amazing and I will forever be in their debt. I also wish to say thank you to all the many well-wishers who have sent thousands of messages of support. Now I am out of hospital, I am looking forward to continuing my recovery and spending precious time with my family."
Fabrice Muamba is discharged from hospital less than a month after collapsing on the pitch at White Hart Lane.
"The second goal was a disaster wasn't it? It was nowhere near a goal. It was an honest mistake but it was nowhere near over. (The referee) made a big mistake. I spoke to him. He says he feels worse than I do. I said: 'I don't think so'." Tottenham boss
Harry Redknapp fumes at Chelsea's ghost goal at Wembley.
"To be honest, I'm just tired of it and everyone is talking about goal-line technology. They have to make something happen because it's killing the league, it's killing the FA Cup, it's killing the game, it's killing everything."
Emmanuel Adebayor leads the calls for goal-line technology.
"Before I was free to do whatever on the pitch at Arsenal, and I wasn't tactically good. I was playing wherever I wanted, up and down. Here [at Barcelona] I have to work much more for the team, individually, and think about the team tactically."
Cesc Fabregas aims a dig in the direction of Arsene Wenger, perhaps?
"Gutted, sad, devastated. It's been a test mentally for me this season and it will continue to be tough until I am back out on the pitch."
Jack Wilshere confirms there is no chance he will be fit for the European Championship.
"I still get a few death threats but they go straight into the garbage box. If I can cope with Drogba screaming at me, I can cope with anything." Referee
Tom Henning Ovrebo, whose mistakes cost Chelsea a place in the 2009 Champions League final, is still getting ludicrous abuse. It's a game ffs.
"Wearing the colours of Livorno, Piermario always showed his athletic ability and that he was an exceptional man. Everyone at Livorno expresses the most sincere condolences to his family." A
Livorno club statement after Piermario Morosini suffered a fatal on-field cardiac arrest during the Serie B game between Pescara and Livorno.
"It was a very moving occasion and very hard to swallow for everyone, especially for the family of course. Football in these past days has demonstrated a unity which in recent times there has never been." Livorno club legend
Igor Protti offers his condolences.
"The English league is by far the toughest in the world. At the away game at Stoke I thought about walking off the pitch after 25 minutes. They didn't do anything but bashing, tackling and using the long ball. Totally not my style, but they are getting results with it."
Rafael van der Vaart on his abiding love affair with Stoke City.
"The basic skill of management involves man-management, and he has carried that out brilliantly, and you can see the whole side playing with a real confidence."
Frank Lampard's affection for Roberto Di Matteo has absolutely nothing to do with the fact he plays him more than Andre Villas-Boas.
"I don't perceive there to be any extra pressure in London, I see it as an opportunity to step up there in the most amazing surroundings with the best support and try and produce the goods on home soil."
Sir Chris Hoy keeps his cool.
"I am delighted to announce the motto 'Inspire a generation'."
Seb Coe marks 100 days to go until the Olympics by launching the official motto for the Games.
"They have John Terry, Ashley Cole, Frank Lampard, Michael Essien, Didier Drogba...They are players who have had thousands and thousands of adventures."
Pep Guardiola's polite way of saying Chelsea are ancient.
