Quotes of the week

A week of verbal sparring sees Muhammad Ali pay a touching tribute to the late Sir Henry Cooper.

"Aberdeen were miles better than us. Anyway, I would rather talk about Kate Middleton's dress than how we played - I thought it was magnificent, unlike our performance." Football fashionista Terry Butcher shows his Royalist side. "I've heard that before too. Rubbish. You're welcome to tug on it. There is so much mischief made. I suppose it's part of my job." Germany coach Joachim 'Elton' Low rejects claims he's gay and sports a toupee. "I will miss my old friend. He was a great fighter and a gentleman. My family and I extend our heartfelt sympathies to his family and loved ones." Muhammad Ali leads the tributes for the late Sir Henry Cooper. "Ali always showed that bit of respect for Henry Cooper. He was a no-nonsense fighter, the man that almost dethroned one of the greatest fighters in the world, Muhammad Ali. There's nobody that came across Sir Henry that had a bad word for him." Johnny Nelson salutes one of boxing's greats. "The last gig I went to was Beady Eye in Manchester. I ended up going backstage. As I was waiting, Liam Gallagher appeared through this door. I just froze. He is quite intimidating up close. I caught his eye and he said, "All right?" to me. I said it back but then scarpered." Leighton Baines fails to get into the Rock and Roll vibe. "The toddler's favourite position has not yet been determined. However, we can speak of a right-footed player with a very good kicking technique, perseverance and, importantly, football genes via his grandfather." VVV Venlo complete the signing of 18-month-old Baerke van der Maij. We kid thee not. "Barcelona are a difficult team to beat because they get outside help. Next year they should give the cup directly to them." Cristiano Ronaldo just can't let it lie. He's not bitter..."Javier Mascherano wasn't like this at Liverpool. He must have learned all these cheating tricks at Barcelona." "Watching our poor away performances week after week, and not having the ability to influence things, has impacted on us. My family think I'm mad devoting so much time and money to the club and, as the match was on TV, I decided to watch it on TV." West Ham co-owner David Sullivan opts for the sofa over Eastlands. "I've met him at UEFA meetings and his behaviour is faithful to his image: arrogant, haughty, chewing gum and somewhat of a boor." Ottmar Hitzfeld's isn't so sure Jose Mourinho is that special after all. "I wish it was Brechin City or someone like that because at the start of the season, if you were looking at getting to the final, you'd think: 'Steer clear of Barcelona'." Sir Alex Ferguson concedes he'd rather face a Scottish third tier outfit than possibly the world's greatest ever club side in the Champions League final. "I don't think we should be going there lacking confidence. Their form has been very good, we're playing a fantastic team but there shouldn't be a sense of terror. We can't be frightened out of our skin. We've got to find a solution to playing against them." Fergie refuses to be daunted by Messi and co. "It is unfortunate Kenny Dalglish has just gone back into management because we could have gone for him as well!" Nigel Clough rejects claims Michael Owen is heading to Pride Park. "Football is coming home so it is an honour to play at Wembley. We won our first Champions League in 1992 at the old Wembley and we are ever so proud for our club and players." Pep Guardiola pulls out his best Frank Skinner impersonation.