Quotes of the week

Super Mario turns the airwaves blue, while King Kev laments that he's best known for Brut.

"All my season was s***. Can I say that? It was not very good, today maybe I play more for the team." Mario Balotelli's rhetorical question on live TV post the FA Cup final. "Most people who come up to me now remember me for falling off my bike in Superstars; they can remember the quote with Fergie. They can remember I made the Brut advert and a record. I say, 'Do you not remember any of the goals I scored?'" Kevin Keegan. Can't recall any goals but we'll never forget the perm Kev. "The only player I was scared of was Vinnie Jones. I was young and it was just the way he looked at me. I don't know if he was acting. I didn't want to find out." Patrick Vieira. He definitely can't act Pat if that answers your query. "Avram is a lovely person but the results sadly speak for themselves that it was a bad selection by the board." David Sullivan waits a whole hour after West Ham's relegation before axing Avram Grant. "Champions League's important for the club. Getting a trophy that shuts everyone up is important for the fans and for us." Joe Hart shuts up Manchester City's knockers. "We spoke only about money. If you have not won anything for a long time and you don't buy good players, you can't win. It is impossible. You can have the best manager in the world, a magician on the bench, but if you don't buy then all the clubs who have bought good players are going to win." Roberto Mancini is not a man to be sidetracked by the romance and magic associated with the FA Cup. "You know, I remember hearing a Celtic player - I think it was Kris Commons - saying they were younger, faster and better than us. I can tell him now that we are maybe older and slower but we are the champions once again." Madjid Bougherra revels in Rangers' third successive SPL title. "Being an Evertonian it's all the more special for me that it's United's 19th title and the one that has taken us past our main rivals, Liverpool." Wayne Rooney - once a blue and all that jazz... "It was a big challenge. In the 80s, it was Liverpool's time. But when I came down, I never thought we could achieve what we've achieved, but getting that first one opened the doors." Sir Alex Ferguson finally knocks Liverpool off their perch. "We're champions and in the Champions League final. We're rubbish aren't we?" Ryan Giggs chips in with a riposte of his own after Manchester United secured a record 19th league title. "I scared them to death by saying if we don't win today we are top of the Fair Play League, and we'll be coming back in two weeks. It's true, we are top of the Fair Play League unfortunately, and it would mean we'd be playing in June - I wondered why Fulham got about eight bookings the other night!" Harry Redknapp motivates his players ahead of their crunch trip to Anfield. "I don't trust the press. Some of the guys are OK. But if they ask me something off the record, I won't tell them anything. There is no such thing as 'off the record'. If there was, why would they ask?" Keegan speaks to the press pack. Off the record, of course. "Two of the fondest memories I have were drinking sessions after games which showed that the professional game has not strayed too far from its amateur roots." Dave Walder gets misty eyed over rugby's old school charm. "I can't stand Wladimir. He's a fraud and I'm so eager to decapitate him. I could hardly resist nutting him as we were standing there. It's the only way I could think of to wipe that smile off his face." David Haye. We prefer withered put downs to decapitation, but whatever floats your boat. "You do a lot of tweeting, right? Well you can send this to all your followers later: 'Wladimir said that David Haye is going to be my 50th knockout'" Wladimir Klitschko riles his opponent's legion of followers. "He made some joke about my Twitter page...he's trying to come up with jokes and his personality is exactly how he fights - boring." Touche David, touche... "They are coming from the others (other confederations), so I cannot say that they are all angels or all devils." Sepp Blatter responds to Lord Triesman's allegation that four Fifa executive members asked for favours in exchange for World Cup votes. "I just don't understand that at all. It's only his opinion after all. Every manager has his favourite referees and if I could remember their names I'd tell you mine." Harry Redknapp tries his hand at a little stand-up. "Get stuffed, what are you on about? The kid's fantastic, and you're telling me they're not going to snap him up?" Ian Holloway refutes Alan Shearer's claim that he blew Charlie Adam's chance of a dream move in January. Before adding: "He falls in the river like a sardine and they'll gobble him up, if that's what Mr Cantona meant all those years ago." And then concluding with an appraisal of Bill Shakespeare's literary canon... "It was worse than Shakespeare, that, wasn't it? I watched Hamlet the other night and, what a shame, they nearly all died in the end. I've never heard so many words make so little sense. It was brilliant, a bit like my interviews."