Do you suffer from PLMSGPS? Barnet fan James Castle enjoys the fact that he doesn't...
Everyone's second-favourite team
I am sure that I share some common ground with other supporters of lower-league teams when I say that I am a victim of 'Premier League Male Supporters Gathering Patronising Syndrome', which is rapidly becoming the ADHD of the 21st century.
As the name suggests, this behaviour is only evident amongst those gents 'lucky' enough to follow one of the country's elite clubs, who meet other football-loving blokes at barbeques or similar social events. As idle gossip moves away from the 'charcoal v gas' debate and the relative trade-in prices of Citroen Picassos, there is always one chap on the fringe who, desperate to join in the conversation, throws the "so, which football teams do you support?" card as soon as the initia chatter dies down.
There will inevitably be the usual number of Man Utd, Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea fans in every group (simply add a dash of Everton, Man City, Spurs, West Ham or Newcastle depending on your geographical location) - there will be some light-hearted banter around the relative chances of each this season, and there will always be some money placed on the outcome of the Premier League title.
Then it's your turn. "Barnet", I say, with a slight just of the chin indicating a modicum of pride and defiance.
"Barnet?"
"Yep."
For those of you who think you may be inflicted with 'Premier League Male Supporters Gathering Patronising Syndrome, here are a selection of suitable replies.
"Oh. Well. That's my second-favourite team you know."
"My nan used to live near Finchley when she was a kid, so I always look out for their results. Is Stan Flashman still their chairman?" (I would just like to point out in advance for the next time this happens - he was ousted in 1994. My answer to the last one is normally "No. But how's Joe Jordan/Kevin Keegan/Malcolm McDonald/Mickey Droy playing these days?")
There will be exactly 11 seconds of silence, with everyone staring at the floor, looking into the middle distance or asking if the chicken looks done enough, before the conversation turns to an argument as to whether Drogba or Rooney will score more goals, and the relative merits of Katy Perry and Kelly Brook.
Try it at your next barbeque. Although, given the current climate, this is not likely to be until at least 2015.
