Englandwatch discovers there are other nuggets of news to discuss other than that multi-million pound wedding.
An old favourite returns as Becks endures an uncomfortable journey
Englandwatch headquarters has discovered there are other nuggets of news to discuss other than the lingering rumblings of a certain multi-million pound wedding.
First and foremost, I feel it necessary to hold my hands up and admit that the cold metal of the
Englandwatch baton in my grasp feels peculiar to me.
The duty of traipsing through the jungle of tabloid guff in hope of stumbling across mindless scribblings of our England 'stars' goes against my usual principles.
Shamefully, though, I soon found myself knee-deep in the glossy world of gossip, even uncharacteristically encouraging my girlfriend to up her hearsay-game.
Call your scribe naive, but it never really dawned on him how great a sector of the journalism world seems to care so much about where these footballers purchase their attire or what they ordered upon their trip to Nando's.
Morals cast aside; it was the now (disputed by some) Mr and Mrs Rooney that largely crammed the shiny sheets as the duo embarked on their 'secret honeymoon' - the location of which is Sardinia, according to The Sun.
However, it is not all a rosy, romantic pool of serenity for the Rooneys after the celebration - which Stevie G allegedly rebuffed for a trip to Miami with wife Alex Curran for their first wedding anniversary - received a disapproving frown from the Catholic Church, who say the wedding holds 'no validity'.
Father Mario Ostigoni, the priest in charge of their nuptial, said in the Telegraph: "If the marriage was celebrated at La Cervara (apparently deconsecrated and not suitable for a wedding), then it is invalid in the eyes of the Church, ipso facto."
Further woe for Wayne:
Englandwatch favourite, Rooney's gay cross-dressing cousin, Stephen, who was not invited to the wedding, carried out a public protest at the snub by turning up at a Liverpool hair salon used by the stocky forward clad in a replica of Coleen's wedding dress. Blimey.
If you avert your gaze from booming headlines that contain the words '£5million bash' other gambits of England tomfoolery can be found; for example Becks' rumoured-to-be burnt goldenballs.
The LA Galaxy man, who, on a side-note, is due to teach actor Will Smith some soccer skills, scorched his sensitive area after his 4x4's seat warmer developed a fault, claims the Daily Star. One onlooker said: "He was rolling down his windows, panting and staring down at his crotch in horror."
Oh, and lest we forget everyone's favourite gent, Ashley Cole, after his grovelling at the lovely feet of wife Cheryl took another twist when his offer of balloons and flowers failed to woo the new X Factor judge after he spoiled the gesture with a premature text asking if his surprise gift had arrived yet - it hadn't.
Tune in next time for more
Englandwatch ramblings, including an exclusive vid of Sir Alex Ferguson conducting the Macarena at Wayne's wedding...
