This week's offering of quips and quotes sees Jose Mourinho make eyes at Manchester United.
Whose mouth has made the news this week?
This week's offering from a sporting world of quips and quotes sees Jose Mourinho make eyes at Manchester United, while the horrific Lahore gun attack dominated both the front and back pages.
"The England national team wanted me as coach and that is the biggest job in England, so I am sure when Sir Alex retires they will look at the best managers in the world and I certainly fall into that category." -
Jose Mourinho continues to hide his light under a bushel.
"I don't like intellectual prostitution. I like intellectual honesty. There has been great intellectual manipulation over the last few days. A great job has been done to manipulate public opinion. Over the last two days we have not talked about a Roma side with great players, lots of players I wanted to have with me, that will finish the season with zero titles. We have not talked about Milan, who will finish the season with zero titles. We have not talked about Juventus, who have won lots of points with refereeing mistakes." -
Mourinho stokes the fire in Italy by offering his thesis on prostitution.
"Nowadays we don't get a fall of snow anymore, it's the worst snow for 40 years. This is the worst recession ever and our club has just had its worst ever run of results. Who is going to fight against the negativity?"
Gareth Southgate calls for a little perspective.
"We thought there is no point in practising penalties because you can hit the same spot 10 times out of 10 and, if the keeper can save it, you can't really do anything." -
Darren Bent explains Tottenham's master plan after their Carling Cup final defeat to Manchester United.
"We have done a lot of research into the way each player is going to put their penalty. We went into the shoot-out as well prepared as possible. We have had things to look at over the last couple of days and before the shoot-out you can see me looking at an iPod with Eric Steele. It had actual video on it and showed where players put things." -
Ben Foster explains why practise and preparation isn't just for squares.
"It was a poor penalty for a player who can strike a ball as well as he can." -
Harry Redknapp gives his full support to David Bentley, before muttering 'what a loser' under his breath.
"Bayern Munich is a special club, their interest in me is a delightful honour. If there is a club like Bayern interested, this is really great for everyone. Bayern is among the best teams in the world." -
Alex Hleb bigs up another 'dream' move - 12 months after his 'dream' move to Barcelona.
"Even before the end of the first half I felt as if I had spat my lungs out. In the second half my legs simply refused to serve me" -
Andrey Arshavin adapts to the physical demands of the Premier League.
"Everyone points to Arsene Wenger at Arsenal and Sir Alex Ferguson at Manchester United, as situations where continuity has worked very well and it has, but football has also moved on and I think it was four years, five years before Alex Ferguson really won anything at Manchester United and I think the way dynamics of football are today, that's really not acceptable and I think that when Manchester United does change coaches, which it will at some point, I don't think they will have the luxury of waiting four, five, six or seven years for its new manager to win a trophy." -
Chelsea chairman Bruce Buck vows to keep on sacking.
"Maybe if Torres had not been injured so much things would be different, but we cannot change the situation now. Everybody has players who get injured." -
Rafa Benitez reflects that trying to win the title with just one senior striker is maybe not a fool-proof plan.
"It's a fine line. I have watched Man United get an opening here and there and they are a great side. But I don't feel they dominate the games like we do." -
Arsene Wenger takes another nip from his whisky.
"I feel a bit sorry for him." -
Steve Bruce patronises referee Stuart Attwell with aplomb.
"The pressure that's on us is fantastic. This might sound silly but being stuck in mid-table you don't have anything to play for. Being at the top or in a relegation fight is what's exciting." -
Blackburn goalkeeper Jason Brown gets all excited about the prospect of the Championship.
"I'd love to stop him" -
Guus Hiddink morphes into Kevin Keegan.
"It's just a media thing. It would be great to think we could do it, but my experience says we could go to Fulham next weekend, there will be a deflected shot off someone's backside and we're out of the FA Cup." -
Sir Alex Ferguson prior to his side's 4-0 win at Craven Cottage.
"They could create a special committee to analyse if three games is enough because, in some tackles, 10 is not enough." -
Wenger calls for reckless challenges to be dealt with more severely.
"Winning becomes a habit and so can losing. England's record doesn't make for pleasant reading we are ranked eighth in the world and have only won two of our last nine matches." -
Lawrence Dallaglio needs to spend more time with Gareth Southgate.
"When we were in the van we weren't aware of what was going on outside. When you look at pictures on TV you can clearly see our van in the middle of this roundabout with terrorists shooting past our van, into our van, and not a sign of a policeman anywhere. They had clearly left the scene and left us to be sitting ducks." -
Chris Broad expresses his anger at the Pakistan security forces for breaking their promise of ultra-tight security ahead of the Lahore gun attack.
"I will urge the ICC to impose a life ban on Broad as he, being the official, has no right to make such remarks in public." -
Former Pakistan captain Javed Miandad hits back at Broad's comments.
"The security wasn't good enough - fact. International cricketers and umpires were nearly taken out." -
Dominic Cork appears to have forgotten six policemen were killed in the attacks.
"I think we have to make sure that, as much as we can, we keep cricket alive and keep Pakistan cricket alive as well because they play a prominent part in the world game." -
Michael Vaughan offers his perspective on the Lahore attacks.
"We divided into two, maybe they knew the information for the right time. They tried to shoot the driver. Then they were shooting both sides of the bus and they counted 39 holes." -
Muttiah Muralitharan questions the security measures taken.
"He has all the physical talents, but there are a whole host of guys who do and there's a little bit of an X-factor in doing something great in sport." -
Trevor Immelman hitches up his trousers and goes all Simon Cowell in discussing Rory McIlroy's potential.
"We take this very seriously, you would rather have a good result than a bad result." -
British athletics boss Charles van Commenee.
