Quotes of the year

Alex Dunn sorts the quips from the quibbles to bring together the best sporting verbal sparring of the year.

"Whenever I watch him play, to me David Luiz looks like he's being controlled by a 10-year-old in the crowd on a PlayStation." Sky Sports pundit Gary Neville offends all 10-year-olds with access to FIFA 12. "Gary was a fantastic defender but I have nothing to say about his opinion. It's a stupid approach to an opinion, but if that's the way he wants to take the game, that's ridiculous." Andre Villas-Boas is more a Pro Evolution man. "I saw, from 10 metres, a table full of drugs." An ordinary day in the life Mario Balotelli, as he pops back to Italy to meet a Mafioso boss. "Very good win gays!" Arsenal's Andre Santos wins the gong for best Freudian Tweet of the Year. "My favourite book is Lord of the Rings, although I haven't read the book, I have watched the films. The book must be good because the films are so good." Darren Mackie is named as the new 'reading champion' at Meldrum School, Scotland. For the love of God... "He says he didn't see me or hear me but he's two bob he is, two bob." Clive Allen puts his dukes up to Arsene Wenger. "I shook the hand of the manager and the assistant manager. How many people do I need to shake hands with? Is there a prescription?" A typically withered riposte from Wenger. "I saved your club in 2005 and 2007 when nobody else would. The rebuilding of Leeds United is a bit like sex. In an age of instant gratification, Leeds United is having a long, drawn-out affair with plenty of foreplay and slow arousal." Ken Bates tests the gag reflex. "Benni McCarthy was a big fat mistake. It could be worse as across the river Fernando Torres, at £50million, remains as thin as two yards of pumpwater and has not scored either." Karren Brady borrows Siralun's favourite phrase in getting shut of Benni McCarthy. "Nice of him. But Benni, I'm meant to have t***, you aren't!" Brady responds to being called 'the devil with t***' by McCarthy. "It's not like she had her legs open or anything." The father of Donny Dog, aka Tracy Chandler, defends his daughter's modesty after she was sacked by Doncaster Rovers for posing in a lingerie shoot. After SSN's intervention she was reinstated... "I do not honestly know what is really happening in Libya at the moment but it must be very hard for Gaddafi and his family." El-Hadji Diouf comes round after his lobotomy. "I'll offer him a glass of white wine as I know he likes red." Ian Holloway gets the booze in ahead of Sir Alex's visit to Bloomfield Road. "We need to keep our head and show our balls." Adil Rami shares an interesting tactic ahead of Valencia's clash with Chelsea. "We were arranging next weekend. He was coming up to stay at my house with his wife and we were going up to various charity dinners on Friday and Saturday. We left the studio at half past two and I walked over to Old Trafford to go and watch Newcastle. I shook his hand and said, 'see you next weekend' - and unfortunately I won't." Alan Shearer digests news of Gary Speed's tragic passing.