Cox: "There have been times when I've finished the football and wanted to just come in here (his gym), lock the door and hang myself from that pole. That's genuine, and I think about that all the time"
Friday 6 December 2019 19:56, UK
David Cox says he has considered suicide after being abused over his mental health issues while playing for Cowdenbeath, and is ready to quit the game for good.
The 30-year-old forward says he and his family are fed up of taunts from players, coaches and fans after he revealed his battles in an interview five years ago - and he feels authorities should be doing more to deal with it.
Speaking to Sky Sports News, Cox, who is currently suspended after being sent off against Queen's Park, alleging he was provoked, has also threatened to walk off the pitch if it happens again.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm not an angel on the park," Cox says. "I love winding boys up and I can take all that, I can take the names - I have done it for years, taken it for years.
"But when you start getting personal about stuff like that, there's no place for it because that could be the final comment somebody needs, if they're in such a bad place.
"There have been times when I've finished the football and wanted to just come in here (his gym), lock the door and hang myself from that pole. That's genuine, and I think about that all the time. Would it be easier? But I've got things like my daughter stopping me, my wife.
"[I think] lock the door, put the shutter down and just end it, because it would take the pain away. I hate waking up feeling the way I'm feeling sometimes, and how it's affecting my family.
"I'm trying to help myself; doing things, seeing people, and reflecting on things I've done. Nobody is going to punish anyone more than me, when I've done something wrong. But I don't hide behind my mental health stuff.
"Definitely more needs to be done [by the authorities]. I'm turning up some Saturdays and I don't want to be alive sometimes. And I'm expected to play and give everything I've got. But if someone feels like that and went into a normal place of work, would they be abused for it? Why should I be any different?
"Nobody in this world gets paid enough to listen to some of the stuff that's said to them; about their family, their personal life. And if I react to that, who's the bad one?
"If a fan says something to me and I jump in the stand, who's the bad one? Me. But I'm supposed to learn to just take it because I'm a footballer and that's part of it. It's not fair.
"I've always been struggling with it since I did the story but more so in last year or so I've taken a lot of stuff in and it's starting to get to me now. It's not just affecting me, it's affecting my family and I've basically had enough."
Cox insists he has had the full support of his club and credited the help of the Scottish PFA and Stuart Lovell since he first spoke out, but as things stand the Lanark-born former Kilmarnock player does not want to return to the field.
"I've not decided finally that's the way that I'm going to go, but at this moment in time I feel like I'm done," he said. "I don't know [if I'll make myself available]. Probably not, if I'm being honest.
"I said to the gaffer and the chairman 'maybe this time will do me good to get away; I won't train, I'll keep myself fit in the gym and maybe I'll miss it again'. But right now, I've not missed it.
"I've threatened [to walk off during a game] for a wee while, but then it happens and then I don't, and I'm blaming myself in the back of my head. I don't want to be that person that walks off for [being abused over his mental health] but then I think it's just the same as being racist, so maybe that's what needs to happen?
"Just because it's in someone's mind doesn't mean you should be treated differently from someone with an injury, or if you were racist to someone on the park. You'd be sent off and it would be looked at right to the police. I'm not saying that's what needs to happen but it should be treated the same.
"What goes through people's minds to say [something] when someone has tried to kill themselves, and then they do a story to help others that have been suffering. What goes through people's minds to say 'go hang yourself and do it properly' or 'watch your wrists'. It's horrible."
Watch the full interview with Cowdenbeath's David Cox above.
